P.S. Related to my hypothyroidism rant (last post)

This is me.
This is my outward image.
This is only a face shot...intentionally.
I'm still comfortable with my face...hopefully I stay that way.
This is the real me in words...to follow...

I find it so uplifting to share some of your burdens with certain people.  As soon as I was directed to an individual on fb who was curious about my gluten free comments, I felt the need to open up to her and let her know what I am struggling with.

Struggling is an understatement...

This disease is taking life out of me, literally.

And to those who may roll their eyes and say, "Stop exaggerating...you're still alive and smiling with five gorgeous babes and a husband!"

To them I say, enduring well sometimes takes a little bit of acting outwardly and suffering inwardly, well...a lot of that!  Until you have walked these shoes, you have no idea what kind of emotional, spiritual, and physical pain is attached.  And telling me I look good doesn't help...I've seen the full body pics of me, and that's precisely why you haven't.  I found one tonight from a few days ago that brought me to tears.  And it is not all about the physical...it is about the emotional, spiritual, psychological, and just the mere fact that my hypothyroidism is MINE, not an exact replicate of "so-and-so's"...they all present and take their own course individually.  That is why medicine is an art...not a concrete science.

I was told her story and it sounds so amazingly like mine...from complete brain fog and forgetfulness to sleepiness and total hormonal chaos.  For example, I took my meds one morning and a half hour later, went into a panic because I didn't take my meds....

or did I?

or didn't I?

I literally did not know.  

Lesson learned?  Nope.

It happened the next three mornings and I wasn't sure if I had overdosed or not...so i finally put all my meds into an organizing container.

I can sleep 12 hours and still need more sleep, but am not allowed that, with 4 kiddos!

My body tells me I'm in menopause, but my age says otherwise.

I researched a med she recommended and in the process found another med people have been taking, and this was a review that explains my ugly symptoms related to energy and fitness to a T!!!

"This review is from: Standard Process Thytrophin PMG 360 T (Health and Beauty)

Of course I give this product a 5 star, I can't live without it. I have never taken synthroid or armour or any other form of thyroid support. I started taking this product 6+ years ago with my thyroid tests actually came back that I did have a thyroid problem. I took it for years and then one day forgot to order it in time. I placed an order and forgot about it. A week or so later I went out for my daily 5 mile run and barely made it a mile out before I had to turn back. I was so weak, tired and freezing cold. I decided I must be coming down with something so I decided to cuddle up by the fire and read a good book (I live in So. California and it was 80 degrees outside). I woke up with my head on the fireplace. A little voice said, "are you taking your thytophin?" So I ran up to check my vitamin trays and sure enough there were no little white pills. I immediately found some on line and have made sure to have some on hand ever since. I take 4 a day because otherwise my morning temp is under 97.8 where it should be. But I haven't needed more. I run about 6 marathons a year and I know this is only possible because of this product. I also recommend anyone who is even looking at this product read, "Why do I still have thyroid symptoms when my lab test say I don't have a thyroid problem." It's by Datis someone. Although his protocol is complex and he is way too expensive and incredibly picky about the clients he will see the book verifies why so many of us with thyroid issues also have gluten intolerances and is good advice on many levels. You just have to keep reading it over and over to understand the complexity of it all. I feel great taking this product but eliminating gluten and casein for me has also made me feel young again. God bless you all. Keep pushing for natural answers and eventually we will be heard."

I am seriously not kidding when I say I went from running 20 miles as my long run on one day of my weekly runs, to dying when I try to run a mile these days.  I recently ran consistently for 6 weeks...daily through a few of those weeks and never broke 2 miles...and was always stopping several times to gather myself to MENTALLY pull through, because physically, I was gone.  

This is my real life.  

This is why I no longer call myself a runner when I have been a  runner my entire life.  

This is real.  

This is me.  

This is the pain I have to endure daily.

This is part of the sadness in my eyes.

This is part of the isolation I choose. 

 Crazy as it seems, my joints are already feeling the effects of what the meds I'm on do to them...it's most likely a combination of autoimmune disease and meds though.  I'm 32 and cannot climb or descend steps without excruciating pain in my knees and ankles, I can barely squat due to the inability of my knees to bend without pain and the uneasiness of retained water making every contraction of my fingers, knees, and toes uncomfortable and annoying.

To those who would wish to brush their hands along the Saviors robe...even just the hem...to be healed, I say, "I KNOW your desires...they are the same as mine."  In experiencing we learn how to succor.  To some, experience come in small increments...in certain topics and degrees.  To others, experience comes in every topic and degree.  I feel we are on that path to know so much about suffering...for the cause of drawing near to The Lords children and succoring them in their heartache, grief, sickness, loss, anxieties and fears.  

It is my most sincere desire to find the next soul I can succor...for one, just tonight, found me.