And Then Sometimes, I Run...

I started this morning... in all the ways I didn't want to start my day. The girls woke at the crack of dawn.; actually, every child woke at the crack of dawn. It was okay with me, however, since I was tossing and turning since midnight...waking every hour to the site of darkness. It is strange, when you need the rest, how the mind turns into and agent of it's own...leaving you to it's capacities to think, analyze, work out the obstacles of an hour, a day, a week, a lifetime.

Obstacles...I was always good at the obstacle course as a child...and I think I'm pretty good at pushing beyond my mind's limits when it comes to running a race. My sister and I have always compared our drive to RUN...train with long and hard distances...to our spirit's ability to endure long and hard roads. How ironic it is that we would be called to go through so many of those marathons in life.

I went running this morning, as I do most mornings. The girls tagged along in the jogger. Daddy was home with the boys...and though I offered to take them along, they insisted they stay home. A half mile out, Lydia stated, "My binky at home..." Normally, I would encourage her to make it the distance without it, but we just started, so I turned around and went home for the adored binky. When I got home, I asked the boys again, "Are you sure you don't want to go?" Connor jumped up and said, "Ya Mom, I want to come now..." Good boy! Aiden followed his steps, and we were off...again. We got to the same half mile mark and Connor fell...hard...hurting his knee. I told them we would ride back home and drop them off. So, I did...

And guess what I did?

I went out a third time...

I commenced the run this time on a different route to the same road I had turned around on twice before...I went the longer, harder way out. I ran further, accomplished my mileage...in record time for my SLOWEST run, but I finished.

It was hard, it was discouraging, and my body and spirit felt weak...

Life is hard...it is discouraging, but it takes great courage beyond our natural capacity to keep at it--to do things we never thought we would be capable of.

I Go Walkin'...

My girls and I had a blast one afternoon this past week eating M&M's in atypical patterns...

Stick 'em to your nose and try to grab it before it falls off...

then pop them in your mouth! YUMMY!!!

Maya thought it was hilarious!

Lydia thought it was even more hilarious!

And I thought it was simply fabulous to eat chocolate with my little gal clinging to my face for a good 10 minutes!

Nothing beats the Mommy and chocolate all in one sitting (she had to be thinking that!)!!!

See...she loves me! I mean...she couldn't possibly be out ONLY to get that M&M!

Speaking of walking, Maya took her first steps on Saturday--the 25th! She would crouch down into a squat the moment any of us witnessed her new skills, tuck her little head into her chest and shy away from walking again. Today was a different story. Her clumsy little chubby body made it's way all over the house. Tiny, measurable inch like steps graced the floor rather clumsily. A flop here, a plop there, but still, she would get back up and try, try again! I couldn't help but reflect on how amazing it is to watch a baby in their first year of development. How symbolic in nature it is that we really need milk before meat, to walk before running...and in her current state, clumsy little steps only came after months of crawling, squatting and careful balance against surfaces, which she help for support often. The Lord must look upon us and beg for us to just hold onto Him for His support, but we are at the will of our own desires. When I take a step into the unknown will I stumble and fall? Sometimes, out of necessity, yes...you can't strengthen those legs without being brought way down low into a squat and them rising again; but will I have had the opportunity to stay strong and steady had I held the Hand of the Lord?

As a Mother, I am in awe over how often my children teach me about the eternities...far more often than I believe I teach them!

Tars!!!

Late last night we realized that the premier of the new cars movie was coming out today. Connor went and saw the first cars movie with his Daddy 6 years ago...back in a time when he pronounced cars as "tars". I long for some of those days back...a new start.

The boys set off on their journey...after an early stampede through the house, like bunch of wild horses at 6am, stating, "Is it time for the movie yet?" They had 4 long hours to wait...and they were gonna' attempt to make it those 4 hours without food...anticipating popcorn, I guess. They caved and ate a bit of dry cereal.

Connor, my "tars" boy!

Aiden...

And the whole family playing "cars" right after they returned home from the movie!

Well, Miss Lydia stayed in her little box, in her dress...cute as can be.

I stayed home with the girls...cleaned, calmed tantrums, fed, picked up crumbs, and wished for naps that didn't happen. Hmmm....this seems to be a theme in our home; one day we'll all be able to enjoy a movie out...when it's too expensive to take all of us that is! HA!!!

Innocent TWO

It's amazing how sweet and innocent our little ones truly are--especially when you look at them up against their older brother counterparts! There are amazing and wonderful things about those boys of mine as well!

Miss Lydia was eating her lunch with me. She took two bites and said, "All done!" while handing me the full bowel of spaghetti-o's! I said, "Take two more bites!" She happily nodded her head, retrieved her bowl, and said, "Take two more bites!"

Before I knew it, I was watching her take a bite, say "take two more bites", she'd take another bite and say, "take two more bites" until the bowl was almost gone! She was a happy little girl when she was done!

The girls are best friends...both much happier at the store when they are together!

We still had a few cries, tantrums, and lots of looks from people who either don't have children, are complete with their one child, or get a babysitter for shopping. I'm inclined to believe the latter does not usually occur, but I may be wrong.

I can say the shopping was done this week...a family adventure that only induced lots of stress, but the laundry will pile up and the house remain a partial mess while I start my weekend of work; I'm just not feeling very motivated to do it all this week!

I think the mini depression is starting...the one that precedes every move. I'm tired of packing, scrounging for food, money, help, and a place to lay our heads. I'm tired. Period.

Maya Ruth is ONE!!!

Dear little Maya Ruth has turned one...as of last week at least!

She talks....is tempting to walk, and LOVES to eat!

At one, Maya:

Says, "Da-Da", "Dank-Do" (thank you), "Chee" (Cheese), "Maya", "Uh-Oh", and she tries so hard to say Lydia, Connor , and Aiden on certain occasions. Mama? Well, that's few and far between.

She gives kisses, and teases kisses too...such a natural little girl! "mmmm-MA" is what you hear when she's got her puckers smashed up to you! She especially loves kissing her sweet cousin Chloe!

She stands from a squat in the middle of the room but will not take a step.

She loves food and will eat almost anything in your hand. If you are eating, you better be sharing because she's also started...

...throwing big tantrums. She will sit in the middle of the floor, toss her whole body back onto the ground, flip it whole, flip it half way, and scream like a two year old. She must have learned from Liddy.

She sleeps through the night 1/4 of the time and wakes once a night around 4am otherwise.

Takes one nap a day.

Has four pearly whites.

Is 19 pounds 1 ounce (25th percentile)

and 28.5 inches long (25th percentile)

with a head that is in the 75th percentile for her age...I'd say she's pretty darn smart!

Maya was the last to wake on her Birthday, so she was greeted by the crowd....

Connor had to get her out of the crib!

She ate toast for breakfast.

Went for a run with Mommy, Liddy, and the boys...

And when I pulled out the camera to take a photo of her, she posed and said, "Chee" for the very first time!

She bounced on the wheelchair with Lydia for quite some time.

And wore a family ring, passed down from my Grandmother, Nonna!

Daddy bought her one single pink rose for her Birthday!

And she got a miniature violet that sings her lullabies at night time. She loves it!

When we started singing Happy Birthday, she threw her head down to her knees and gave a shy little grin. She was fully aware that this was her special day!

Most of our time was spent watching her eat her little heart away!

We love you Maya Ruth....

You are a bright light in such hard times!

Thank you for being...YOU!!!

Rough Starts in the WIlderness

I was driving to work on Monday night. I was a little late, due to a last minute call from my manager stating that they needed me to work my call shift. I looked out and saw the sun in a pink hue...much pinker than this picture shows. The air was visibly smoky, almost to the point where I struggled to see ahead of me at certain points on the highway. When I got to work, there was ash floating in the air....all because of the 0% contained fire that blazes on the border of NM and AZ. We left Louisiana, recently stricken with floods, last summer, and have come to dwell in NM, stricken with smoke, fire, and ash. I am certain most areas of the country are facing these struggles, some environmental, some temporal, and even some are so deeply spiritual as we strive to keep our values and hold our standards in a world that is rapidly declining into territory that can only leave one desolate and longing.

I, too, am feeling a little desolate these days....feeling a sense of longing for so many reasons. I found myself scrubbing places in this house that I have never scrubbed before this morning, bringing up filth that most people don't see in a home that is relatively well maintained. Perhaps I need to dig deep inside of myself and scrub out some filth...some anger, a bit of bitterness, and lots of sorrow.

Yesterday ended a couple days of night work. When I got home I quickly rushed out the door with all four kids to get Maya to her 1 year appointment. I had meant to call Monday, to cancel, knowing I would be exhausted, but the task passed me and I was left to keep the appointment...only to avoid a cancellation fee.

It was awful.

The boys, who promised to be good, sat on the chairs in the waiting room and fought over who would get a certain chair. Connor let out a loud monster yell....a big, viscous, "RAW"! Literally. The receptionist looked at me with wide eyes, I told her "Is it obvious that I have a 6 and 8 year old sitting over there?" to make light of my frustration. She quickly receded the look and said, "I know how that is!"

In the doctors office they climbed the chairs, kicked the wall, opened drawers and closets that should remain closed, and even reached into the doctors personal space at her desk to open a drawer and grab a book out. Yes, there were merely being normal for their age....

We picked up McD's on the way home, enjoyed, and I gave the girls a bath before nap time. As I bent over, my phone fell out of my pocket and into the water...under colored water and bubbles. It took awhile to retrieve in it's camouflaged mess, but I got it.

After spending a night in rice, I turned it on to see it's at half capacity. I placed it in my pocket and it's battered mother board decided to have a mind of it's own. Suddenly it started playing a talk by John Bytheway, "Rough start, Great finish".

I smiled and thought, "How long is a start? Can is possibly be 9-10 years, if not longer?"

Immediately after, a song I haven't hear in years began playing, titled "Absence of Fear".

My heart lives in a little fear these days...but I'm certain I am being told to cast it out if we are to ever have a great finish.

Then....the battered phone decided it was finished...nothing escaped it's squeaky, worn, and rice filled speakers.

It's funny, every time I pick up the Book of Mormon, I make it all the way through the travels in the wilderness....and then I start again after a short while of not reading...only to find myself once again in the wilderness....over...and over...again. Maybe if I reach the promised land in my reading, it will be so in my life. Not likely, but maybe! :)

Summer Break Clues!

It is officially summer time in the Fultz Headquarters...

and this house/family holds a lot of clues to it's sudden, abrupt, and sometimes challenging arrival. Fortunately, I love my kids to have them home 24/7 for 3 months...unfortunately, it takes a little getting use to!

Here are the clues to summer break's grand entrance:

Clue# 1--Hanging out with our friends on the couch...

EVERY...LAST...ONE...OF...THEM!

(Conveniently taken off of the top shelf of the closet by two crazy boys, all before I woke in the morning!)

I took my place with Maya on day #1 and fell asleep to morning cartoons.

Clue #2--Monkeying around. We have had one head fall accident with Maya already, and we almost had her second recently...almost!

Clue# 3--Bar-B-Q's!!!

And kisses for the cook!

Clue #4--Stroller ride naps in the hot dry sun...

...and long runs, always trailing the boys! Lately, I'm always trailing Steve too. I find myself a bit discouraged on most runs, knowing that I'm last...every time! But hey, when you're pushing a double jogger that catches the NM winds and gives you the resistance of a big orange hot air balloon in the jogger's sunshades, you can't help but be last!

Clue #5--Yummy summer food...

and experiencing yummy summer food for the first time!

I don't know what we were looking at, but I couldn't help posting the picture of Mommy and daughter...so very much a like!

Clue#6--HIGHLIGHTS!!! Whoo-Hoo! Thanks to my handsome boy, they turned out beautiful!

Clue#7--More food! Popsicles!

Clue#8--Pretty summer dresses, on a pretty little girl who is tempting us with first steps any day now!!! GO MAYA!!!

Clue#9--The boys are back...just as mischievous as they were last summer! They are teaching Miss Lydia all of their favorite tricks!

And who woulda' thought that a little 2 year old could out blow them on the milk bubbles game?

Maya even joined in on the fun!

Last but not least--Clue#10--We have to pack up and move...AGAIN!!! That makes a big # 12 since I met Steve 10 years ago!

So...we're trying to have a little summertime fun before the summertime blues kick in!