Rough Starts in the WIlderness

I was driving to work on Monday night. I was a little late, due to a last minute call from my manager stating that they needed me to work my call shift. I looked out and saw the sun in a pink hue...much pinker than this picture shows. The air was visibly smoky, almost to the point where I struggled to see ahead of me at certain points on the highway. When I got to work, there was ash floating in the air....all because of the 0% contained fire that blazes on the border of NM and AZ. We left Louisiana, recently stricken with floods, last summer, and have come to dwell in NM, stricken with smoke, fire, and ash. I am certain most areas of the country are facing these struggles, some environmental, some temporal, and even some are so deeply spiritual as we strive to keep our values and hold our standards in a world that is rapidly declining into territory that can only leave one desolate and longing.

I, too, am feeling a little desolate these days....feeling a sense of longing for so many reasons. I found myself scrubbing places in this house that I have never scrubbed before this morning, bringing up filth that most people don't see in a home that is relatively well maintained. Perhaps I need to dig deep inside of myself and scrub out some filth...some anger, a bit of bitterness, and lots of sorrow.

Yesterday ended a couple days of night work. When I got home I quickly rushed out the door with all four kids to get Maya to her 1 year appointment. I had meant to call Monday, to cancel, knowing I would be exhausted, but the task passed me and I was left to keep the appointment...only to avoid a cancellation fee.

It was awful.

The boys, who promised to be good, sat on the chairs in the waiting room and fought over who would get a certain chair. Connor let out a loud monster yell....a big, viscous, "RAW"! Literally. The receptionist looked at me with wide eyes, I told her "Is it obvious that I have a 6 and 8 year old sitting over there?" to make light of my frustration. She quickly receded the look and said, "I know how that is!"

In the doctors office they climbed the chairs, kicked the wall, opened drawers and closets that should remain closed, and even reached into the doctors personal space at her desk to open a drawer and grab a book out. Yes, there were merely being normal for their age....

We picked up McD's on the way home, enjoyed, and I gave the girls a bath before nap time. As I bent over, my phone fell out of my pocket and into the water...under colored water and bubbles. It took awhile to retrieve in it's camouflaged mess, but I got it.

After spending a night in rice, I turned it on to see it's at half capacity. I placed it in my pocket and it's battered mother board decided to have a mind of it's own. Suddenly it started playing a talk by John Bytheway, "Rough start, Great finish".

I smiled and thought, "How long is a start? Can is possibly be 9-10 years, if not longer?"

Immediately after, a song I haven't hear in years began playing, titled "Absence of Fear".

My heart lives in a little fear these days...but I'm certain I am being told to cast it out if we are to ever have a great finish.

Then....the battered phone decided it was finished...nothing escaped it's squeaky, worn, and rice filled speakers.

It's funny, every time I pick up the Book of Mormon, I make it all the way through the travels in the wilderness....and then I start again after a short while of not reading...only to find myself once again in the wilderness....over...and over...again. Maybe if I reach the promised land in my reading, it will be so in my life. Not likely, but maybe! :)