I've been REALLY down on myself lately. Getting tired of the "When are you due?" comments I get. It's discouraging....to say the least. I've fallen into the bad habit of calling myself big a few numbers of times...I try not to say fat around the kids. However, I always say that I need to lose weight, and that gives the kids the impression that I am not happy about myself. There is only so much we can do...we both work long hard hours, I find myself having to stay awake for 50 hour periods at times just to help provide for my family (as I will do this Easter weekend) , and we have 4 busy children who need us ALL the time. I honestly don't know if anyone could have gone through all that we have been through over the last 1.5 years and live a perfectly healthy life....the stress alone has caused a lot of weight gain.
With that said, I was watching the last Narnia movie last weekend. Lucy, sweet little Lucy, finds a spell book and casts a spell which would transform her "reflection, cast into perfection, lashes, lips, and complexion". It would make her fair to one who holds more beauty over her...in her young eyes at least. She experiences a moment in which SHE, little pretty LUCY is no longer in existence. It is very sad....
Then, Aslan (a figure of Christ in the Narnia series) comes to her and says, "Lucy, what have you done child?...You wished yourself away, and with it, much more. Your brothers and sisters wouldn't know Narnia without you Lucy. You discovered it first, remember? You doubt your value; do not run from who you are."
I was humbled....
Beauty is only skin deep.
The worth of my soul, my family, the great work I do for them, and my God is my existence.
7 comments:
Crystal,
Why do you not get a babysitter? Possibly a teen that could come in and watch the kids over the weekend so you can sleep? It does not make you any less of a mother to do that. You often express about being tired and it is ok to ask for help. What about letting members of the church serve you. They need blessing too.
I appreciate your concern, but I have faced many circumstances where I have sought for help outside of my family and it hasn't ended well. I do ask and receive a lot of help already. There is a lot more help than it looks like on the outside with 2 nurses in the family. As well, my children deserve a little more stability, and I am willing to sacrifice for that. We have been through a lot...more than I can say, and it is too much for me to not have consistency, stability, and reliability. My family helps when I ask...that's enough for me right now. Forgive me for sounding like I complain about being tired, it was only I intended to show how the long hard hours have caused weight gain and subsequent low self esteem.
Phew..!!
I've been trying since yesterday morning to post a comment to your post, but the 'line' was 'interrupted' badly around here in Malaysia...
Yes, I understand what you mean... I have been facing it for whole 15 years...
But, I recognise one thing about you Crystal. Your are beautiful in spirit! You have a beautiful soul. Doesn't matter, if you've gain the weight lately, it should doesn't change the way Steve feel about you, if he really know and love you...
Isn't it..?? ;)
My dear, but how can you help not to be tired. You are a young mother with many small children and a career. Maybe I am reading your post wrong. I am sorry if I have offended you, I just wanted to say that it is ok not to be perfect and to call upon help when needed.
I am so sorry for the hardships. I understand how the stress can pack on the pounds. In the last 8 months, we have moved 2 times and had a miscarriage plus the stress of finding a new job which pulls dave away from the home. It has been a very difficult 8 months for me, probably the longest 8 months honestly. And I too have packed on the pounds. How frustrating!! Especially since I spend years working it all off. I heard something yesterday that helped me a little bit though. Individual Worth is infinate worth with a divine destiny. We are worth far more regardless of how we look. We need to be healthy, but Uctdorf said in the last conference that trees in years of struggle hardly grow because they are focusing on surviving and then in years of prosper, they grow a lot. I don't know about you, but I have been just trying to survive so I may not be the "best" me I can be but I am definately being the best I can be in this crazy storm we are in right now. Hope things get better there soon so you can "grow" (and not in width lol) again!
Anonymous...no offense taken. No one can really understand why I do the things I do, unless they had a long video conveniently paired with a device that instilled emotions into the beholder. We've been through a lot, known and unknown...I'm just doing the best I can with what I have right now. I only have these little angels, in their sweet innocence, for a short while. Tired or not, they are mine, and I am happy to care for them when I am present! You are a wise woman...at least you sound like a very nurturing woman, and you obviously have a love for our little family! Thank you...whoever you are! ;)
Siti...I know you are always reading the posts...and you are so kind to look upon my spirit as a determinant of beauty. I wish more people were like that! You are such a sweet friend!
Lexi...I am so sorry for what you have had to go through lately. I had no idea so many mountains were, and are, in front of you. Seems like we are, or have, treaded such similar paths through life.
Oh Crystal how I love you. I truly do. You are one of those amazing women to me that God trusted so dearly in this life. I think you have faced so much in this life. In so many ways you remind me of my mom. Strong, hard working, loving, humble, true, perfect(in my eyes)beautiful etc... Really I think the world of you and Steve. Your hard work and love for your family is beautiful. Like you said thats what really matters. I know how it is to get down on yourself, but please know you are better than you give yourself credit for. I know so many people see you the way I do and trust me it's perfect! I can only hope all your dreams come true. Please know that I think of you and your sweet family often. If there is anything I can ever do to help let me know. I look up to you in so many ways. Thanks for your example. Hugs!
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