Tender Realities

It's funny,  when you face life's realities,  you start to see people in a different light. I guess it all depends on who you are ultimately,  and what drives you to love people.

I've seen people drawn to others for mere attraction. While I think that is innate,  an instinct we all have,  I also believe that if it's the only source of connection,  that relationship is doomed to fail.

Fortunately,  those whom we are attracted to are usually those who we find mutual interests with--be it as little as your drive for finding the funniest movie to make you smile at days end,  to something as great as seeing God in all things.

I'm also learning that sometimes we are moved to love people because we understand their sufferings,  their griefs,  their sorrows. There are pros and cons here as well. While WE love those people and are truly suffering with them in grief,  they must make us a part of their life by accepting the empathy we offer....or not. The great part of the plan that allows us to have deep lasting relationships,  or to have self satisfying ones,  moved by our needs alone,  depends on our choice to mutually accept someone as a friend and offer ourselves to their needs as well, or, like I said....not. 

In attempting to love,  there are times when that mutual understanding of love,  is,  well,  not mutual. There are relationships worth fighting for to the end of your life to attain that beautiful possibility,  and then there are relationships that simply need to pass,  like the winds that strip the fragile feathers from a dandelion. Just one gust,  one choice,  one strong and courageous move,  and the pain of not being mutually loved, cared for,  and most importantly,  accepted,  can be gone.

If only the heart was as easy to strip of pain as dandelions are of their delicate feathers.

Funny Fatigue

I have to laugh at the exhaustion we face daily.  I was dozing off in the car all afternoon after having spent most of my night finishing nursing competencies. Though my boy said I was sleeping,  I recall answering every question,  responding to each child's complaints,  listening and communicating about Glenn Beck, and telling every single person in the car,  "I'm actually trying to get some rest!"

After getting settled at home tonight,  my husband walked in on me laying,  half asleep,  in bed. He laughed,  plopped down,  and called us old!!

I let him know I would gladly fall asleep to a TV show,  but I'm not going to stay up all night!  In his goofy fatigue,  he started trelling me about his restless legs, claiming I don't really know what they feel like. While we both laughed,  I said,  "Don't you dare tell me I don't know what they feel like!  I spent 5 pregnancies with them,  accompanied by pinched nerves,  cramped calves,  blood circulation being cut off from big babies,  nausea.... every single day.... and then natural birth!" (Never mind the lifetime mothering part I'm doing now!)

He giggled,  half asleep,  and said,  "You were healed.... Why did you do that?"

He was obviously half way between sleep and life,  so I played along, stating  "I did it for God!!  I brought God's children to the earth!"

I then woke him asking if he was gonna put the boys to bed. I have been stuck putting kids to bed for almost a month with very little help. He's been working hard, and I just wanted some help!  He immediately said,  "Yes,  I'll do that and you can get things ready for Captain No Name!"

"What???" I squealed,  "Who's Captain No Name???  I sure as heck am not making a meal or anything tonight!"

He woke in laughter asking what HE was talking about,  and then we both laughed until I kicked him out of the room to put the boys to bed.

Moments later,  after I realized he wasn't going to be successful at putting the children to bed,  because "I guess you can put yourself to bed" doesn't quite work with 8 and10 year old boys, I took over; then I returned to the bedroom and asked if I should turn the lights out. He responded with, "I thought the showers were done,  I don't know what you were doing with the stickers.... I'm not sure what to do about the sheets!"

Needles to say,  I had to wake him  before he drifted into a deep sleep to make him giggle with me over "showers,  stickers,  and sheets", all of which made no sense to either of us.

I've always feared the words that  escaped my mouth in my extreme exhaustion. Most of mine made sense to a health care mind,  "Go call for help,  start compressions, heat rate dropped to 40, etc." while jumping off the couch or outta bed. My children and hubby would laugh in confusion. Now,  those night shift dilemmas are plaguing my boy.  I guess I can rightfully claim that we best understand one another by experiencing like scenarios. I believe we've experienced many like days, and I'm so grateful we can laugh about it!

Goodnight tired Daddy. Your funny words of nothing gave me too much silly life as I try to fall asleep beside you!  I love you.

By the way,  Maya has recently requested that her hair be styled this way,  and she has self proclaimed it as "helmet hair!"

Love is in the air!

I adore my children,  and in that statement, a lot can be implied.

I love them to the depths of doing anything for them and their welfare--I'm not gonna lie,  homeschool is hard!!! 

I love them enough to put my needs aside to care for them,  every single day--and when you're suffering from an autoimmune disease that really drains the life out of you, there is a lot of mind over matter that you begin to practice.  Lab values,  and most importantly,  the symptoms,  seem to be worsening for the time being.  It is a process to find the triggers to which the body responds that provoke attacks against itself. 

I love them enough to say NO--parents,  this is the best way to raise right minded and respectable children. Say no to too much tv, no to tons of video games,  no to the endless begging for treats,  but YES to quality time activities, good books, and acts of kindness.

I love them enough to say,  "sometimes,  I need to get away and take care of me in order to better care for you."  I'm not going to lie,  I am not too good at this. It wasn't until recently that I agreed with my husband when he said that I should get out a few times every month,  alone, to feel a recharge.  As mothers,  the salvation of so many souls is in our creative and loving hands. We should love ourselves enough to take the time,  small amounts of money, and energy to commune with the true source of our strength,  God. That time may be spent exercising,  reading alone for half a day, sleeping,  going to the temple,  etc. Regardless,  it should leave you with a sense of power and increased love that only you can give to your little flock.  Service and love for mankind is amazing,  and so are you. You serve those around you every day,  don't forget the Beautiful You that needs to cast aside the worries of daily life once and awhile. I wish I was a better example of this advice,  but I'm a pretty good learner of truth.... and this is so very true.

In homeschool this week we were super busy with many lessons and activities!  Then,  at weeks end,  my little sister took all the cousins and forced the parents to go on dates.   It's been a year since I've been out with Steve alone. It was wonderful. The children had a Valentines party and we saw "Winter's Tale".  Be prepared for tears,  symbolic principles of love and purpose,  the great battle we fight daily between good and evil, the divine purpose of life,  and some sweet fun humor.  I couldn't have asked for a better Valentines date.

I was pleased when we came home for the children. My sister stood with me and expressed the detailed character traits she cued in on with each and every child. She was so attentive to them!  To Connor's calculated duck face limbo moves with his awkward lanky limbs, to Aiden's furrowed brow as he focused on getting his body under the bar. Then she spoke of Lydia's expressions of doubt regarding her ability to attempt a limbo--though she attempted and succeeded just fine,  to Maya's ability not only to do the limbo but to roll her body out of a back bend every so "dance like"!  That focused attention is what makes a person so child friendly,  what a gift!  I felt incredibly blessed and recharged after a day with my husband.  At days end,  there were tears over not being able to play video games at home on a Saturday; time simply didn't allow for it to be. My ability to say no made me feel quite capable of the lofty task of raising children in a hard world. Now that's true love; one day they will thank me!

Oh, such beautiful truth....

From my reading tonight. ...

"But that night,  he (father) stepped into the door,  I burst into tears.  'I need you!' I sobbed, 'you can't die,  you can't. '

....Father sat down in the edge of the narrow bed. 'Come, ' he began gently, 'when you and I go to Amsterdam,  when do I give you your ticket?'

I sniffled a few times,  considering this. 

'Why just before we get on the train. '

'Exactly. And our wise Father in heaven knows when we are going to need things, too.  Don't run ahead of Him,  Corrie. When the time comes that some of us will have to die,  you will look into your heart and find the strength you need-- just in time.' "

Oh how perfectly the gospel is found in every moment of our righteous lives,  His power is in every action and experience which we can pattern our life after sacred and deep gospel truths. 

Take the ticket when it's given,  and trust that someway,  and in the beautiful details of life,  you have been prepared to face heartache,  grief,  and mourning--sometimes unsoothable for a season.  Trust. Believe. Seek. Do these things in Christ,  and I promise answers... to the Why's,  the How's,  and the Where's. 

Fifth Birthday Treasures!

Our week long visit with Grandma and Grandpa was so much FUN!!!

We saw the Peking Acrobatics Show with our homeschooling group their first day with us--these people are from China and they certainly wowed all of us!

We celebrated the 5th Birthday of My Miss Lydia!  I cannot believe she is five and about to go to school.  She insists on going to the public school system, and I had already decided to allow her and Maya to start up as the boys did with a public education, but I am so sad to see the year vastly approaching.  Soon enough she'll be going to school, and then a short year later Maya will follow!  Where does the time go???

Birthday pics to come...

At five, Lydia is so darn beautiful!!!

Her favorite color is still blue.

She has learned how to soothe he fears and worries far better than years prior, I was worried we would never completely leave that "hug and kiss" screaming tantrums in the  middle of EVERYWHERE, at any given moment, over any given circumstance.  While she still has her small meltdowns, I can say she is growing up just fine!  Not too long ago, she laid beside me in the morning, asking me to get up.  I did the typical, "Just a minute" tired Mommy thing, and she rolled over, kissed my cheek, and said, "I'm gonna go sit with Aiden in the living room and wait for you!"  I was in shock...no begging and pleading for food, a hug, water, hot cocoa...just sweet and pleasant patience and love.

Her favorite movie is definitely Frozen, and her favorite character is Elsa!

She is still goofy as ever, and a good laugh can cure any tantrum threatening her smile.

She speaks often of other people with deep compassion--we saw a house fire last month on the way home from church, and days later she was worried about the people inside of the house...she spoke of the possible burn and pain they may have had with a solemn expression.

She is becoming quite a lyrical queen, taking after my ability to know and sing lyrics very clearly...she will carry a beautiful voice as she matures.

She loves exercise and running seems to be her gift, with the long limbs she has, I am certain she will excel in it. 

She still expresses sorrow over Baby Shane and his loss, she is determined to hold him first upon the resurrection morning.

She is perfect...in every way!

Lydia's birthday paralleled Connor's fifth Birthday as well.  Connor has requested to go to the DC temple for his Birthday in 2008.  We drove the distance, stayed in a hotel, and walked the grounds and visitors center for him on his 5th Birthday.  Lydia was, by mere circumstance, given the gift of walking through the Gilbert Arizona temple for her Birthday.  The open house just happened to commence, and we all decided to make the trek to AZ to have this amazing experience.  It was breathtaking.

The kids were pretty good in the long drive to and from Arizona.  I did a lot of singing with the girls...lots of Frozen songs over and over and over!

I'd have to say, Arizona took me and Steve to a little place of Heaven.  At least Gilbert did.  We fell in love with the land, the story, and the temple.  I wouldn't be surprised if it happens to turn up as a place of interest for future habitation...it was that beautiful and perfect to us! 

It brought some good luck too.  We were lucky enough to keep Grandma and Grandpa for a few more days due to snowy east coast weather...we found out half way home.  We were all bummed we rushed off so quick but delighted in the opportunity to have and hold our family for a few more days.  Saying goodbye is always hard, getting back in routine is even harder, but these moments are the ones that make a life story so memorable in the end. 

Grieving. ..

I should be sleeping as I approach the end of this awful flu. I should be dreaming of who knows what,  but my mind and heart just want to do good....to write.

It was a week and a half of being spoiled rotten. I had grandma and grandpa here for Lydia's 5th birthday. In that time,  we took a last minute trip to Arizona,  toured the Gilbert temple open house,  stayed in a hotel,  ate yummy food,  and we even took them to see a movie before they took off.

Every once in awhile we experience these glimpses of pure joy.  I find myself grieving,  that is the best term for it. It sounds ridiculous,  it sounds as if I'm exaggerating.... but I'm not. I miss them when they're gone.

I wonder where those days went when we all lived in the same home. Though inconvenient for my husband,  it was a bonding time for me with my inlaws I do not regret. I wish my relationship with every member of my family was as deep. I wish we could all see the goodness for the most part,  and realize that any negative character is most likey related to trauma and heartache.

I have brothers in laws,  a sister in law,  many nephews and nieces, and one of my greatest fears is not holding them all again and saying "I LOVE YOU,  not your faults,  not your fears,  not your self doubts. ...I LOVE YOU,  in the beauty you were created to be".  Would it resonate with peace or come across as a tinkling cymbal?  Would the bar of its beautiful rhythm sink in,  or would it appear comical coming from young and naive lips?

I'd like to think I know a small degree of wisdom. I've known the courageous act of putting aside my physical and needs for the sake of a family,  for our deep desire to have a roof over our heads (sometimes that came one month after another)  I've known the pain of returning back to a full time (plus) working routine after giving birth 6 weeks ago to my 5th born child. In those moments,  I smiled, though my heart quivered in silent tears. The tears fell in solitude. I've known death at its darkest,  and it being your child is indeed dark and harrowing.  I've recentky known that you can be an athlete your entire life,  and then Father can grab your health,  in hopes for a season.

But in all I've known,  I've had glimpses of love and peace. That is why I still smile. I'm praying the next glimpse is soon, and more peaceful than I can imagine.

Cub Scouts Pack 309 January Newsletter

January Core Value

Positive Attitude

This month we want to focus on having a positive and uplifting attitude.  The boys will play games together on 1/15 to learn that winning is great, but losing is not always a sad and gloomy place to be--it just means you can improve.  When we live the gospel we will inevitably fall short at times; those times will give us an opportunity to carry on in faith and cheerfulness or to murmur and complain.  Let's teach our boys how to be cheerful in their trials!

Time Change for 1/22 Meeting-1:45pm

The time for our meeting on January 22nd will accommodate the early release for the children from school.  If any child would like to stay later that day to work on achievements that need to be accomplished before an upcoming Birthday, I will gladly stay.  Remember, rank advancements can only be made in their according year.  Wolves can earn a badge by age 9 and Bears can earn a badge by age 10.  Bring your collections to this meeting as well for sharing.  We will be starting props for a magic show presentation in February as well on January 22nd.

Important Dates

January 14, 2014 7pm--Council and  8pm-- Committee Meeting, LDS church

January 15, 2014 4:30pm--Playing Games den meeting, LDS church

January 22, 2014 1:45pm--Creating props/masks and displaying collections den meeting, LDS church

January 28, 2014 6pm--Pack Meeting

Information :Crystal Fultz, Den Leader Wolves and Bears

Faith In God Achievements

Articles of Faith

We have cub scouts of different faiths in Pack 309.  Our LDS Cub Scouts will work with the Primary this year, and we will be memorizing and passing off the 1st Article of Faith in January.  Most of the boys have done this, and they are welcome to choose any Article of Faith to pass off with me as they choose.  Cub parents of different faiths--please let me know what I can do to help you in strengthening your child's faith!

FUN FOR THE FAMILY

Cub scouts is not only for the child, but it is meant to be a family edifying program.  There is a program for the family designed to allow each member of the family to pass off activities and earn a patch and pins for their accomplishments.  I will highlight one of five categories monthly and then rotate through them.

For each member of the family to earn a patch they must accomplish 2 requirements from 5 categories in a 12 month period.  If someone has not accomplished the activity, then that person alone doesn't earn the patch, everyone else does!  To earn additional pins, each member may complete 2 additional activities from the categories.  I have a very detailed link that will take you to my personal blog where you can find all the information for earning this award!

Let me know when you have completed activities, and who in the family has, so I know when we can order the awards! 

CATEGORIES

1. Shaping Your Family Identity

2. Developing Personal Skills

3. Building a Family Team

4. Connecting With Your Community

5. Facing Family Challenges

PATCH= 2 activities from all 5 categories in 12 months

Blue and White pin= 2 additional activities from #1

Black and gray pin= 2 additional activities from #2

Orange and green pin= 2 additional activities from #3

Black and red pin= 2 additional activities from #4

Blue and yellow pin= 2 additional activities from #5