December 2, 2022
December 2nd is the Birthday of our 3rd born child, a son named Shane. He was, and is, everything a mother could want, and he was attached to my hip. As a matter of fact, in the few short months he lived, he wasn't very happy in most arms but mine.
And there he is in his beautiful, days-old, glory. He lived four months; his setting of the sun was one that you'd missed if you glanced away for a few minutes. I missed it, as I was away at a silly nursing exam. I've always tried to conquer the world with my children in tow, and this loss was the first of many which set me back and gave me reason to slow down for my babies and the precious time I could have only once in this life.
Every year, we welcome the Christmas season on Baby Shane's birthday. He would be 16 this year, a Junior in High School, and following so quickly behind his older brothers who are entering the adult phase of life.
This year, I spoke with Gavin about how Shane is his big brother, but his little brother all at once. Gavin understood, and his eyes teared up in sorrow. In our home, every child has had to grieve over the loss of their brother, and it all comes at a certain age and time when they finally understand that this "Baby Shane" we speak of so often is one of them...living flesh that has taken his last mortal breath while in our care.
Happiest of Birthday's sweet son. I pray we will celebrate all of you when I have the chance to hold you, watch you grow, and love you as deeply as I have grieved you in this hard life of mine. I trust that will be.
You are near, I feel it so. Yet, I am disillusioned by the blind state of mortality, and I beg for signs of life from you while you stand right before my eyes.
I love you, my Son,
Miss Crys 💙 Crystal 💜 Mommy 💗
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