Summer Vacation--Hmmmm

Been having  a mental block lately.  The kind that feels like it lasts forever....  There is truth to how the body reacts during pregnancy that can have a dramatic effect on how you feel.  I experienced 5 very hard pregnancies, but healthy enough to say they turned out enjoyable at one point or another.  This pregnancy is not like any of them.  It came in the middle of a health crisis that I was trying to find management for.  As a matter of fact, once a few answers came, a few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant.  Surprise right?  Well, to me it was kinda like, "Dangit!"  For awhile, I felt good about it.  I should recall those feelings because the thoughts I have now are acted upon by processes in my body that nobody can control.  When I try to tell someone about it, I am met with silence or the natural, "hang in there, it'll get better," or the even worse, "I hope they figure you out."  HA!  Like I'm a game or a puzzle that's too hard to solve.  So lame.  Honestly, most people I know would probably chuck it off as "mental health" issues--but believe me people, real things are happening to my main organs, including my brain, that are causing real symptoms.  If I lived for 3.5 years with things happening to  my kidneys that caused very real symptoms which inevitably has led to some damage that had to be managed by western medicine, then you can imagine that the body leaking toxic chemicals and having a hard time getting rid of them, will effect more than just my kidneys now.    I know we are all human, and we can only relate to the suffering we personally understand, but it gets old when no one personally understands your suffering.  This, on top of a long hard marriage--and you have recipe for disaster.

If I could explain it to anyone, I'd tell them, "You just don't feel whole.  And no matter how hard you try, you are left with a lack of sympathy from even those closest to you because 'everyone has babies, and there are complications all the time'.  Don't listen to those voices, especially from the people who should be closest to you and claim you are insane and can do what you once did, you just CHOOSE not to. (Yes I've heard that.)  I'd say get away from those people, because they are adding to a sense of instability that is not real.  What is real is that you aren't whole right now, and it may be a long time before you are.  There are pathways for a normal body to get rid of toxic buildup, but for few pregnancies, it doesn't work fast enough, and it may feel like you are never going to be on your own 2 feet again...but hold out.  You will.  Yet, if you can't get away from the people who make you feel less than you are, because I know how that is too, remember that right now you can't even escape the toxic buildup in your body that is making you feel less and less of a person.  For some reason, there is a reason for it all.  I can't see all things, but I have ALWAYS looked back and seen the answers come to fruition.   If the Savior is the only one who understands you, then count yourself noble, because that kind of suffering is built for nobility."  By the way, I love the name Patrick--and it happens to mean noble.  It would also stick with the Celtic theme we have named our children after; very symbolic of a great part of my personal Irish lineage--the "Shield sisters!"  Back on track--I hope that anyone suffering these feelings, initiated by real physiologic breakdown has a support system strong enough to pull them through, because it will feel impossible if your support system is damaged and broken.  My only saving grace are my children right now.  They are hard...because I have to get up and do so much for them still, but they are my purpose.  Hopefully more people than not have a very empathetic spouse or parent who can help them--that will make the world of a difference.  I count myself blessed to have glimpses of an empathetic spouse, but it is tainted with the other experiences that leave both of us feeling worse.  I'm no hypocrite--though my enemy list seems to grow.  I know I have caused damage upon hearts--especially my spouses.  I would prefer to hear that same humility in return, however.  It would make the world of a difference.

School is officially out.  The kids are already asking to do more than I can physically do in a day--here comes compromise.  ;)  To these amazing children-- enjoy your down time for now.  You know very well that school is draining, and now is your time to sleep in, play, help with some housework (HAHA!), and watch your favorite movies until midnight.  You'll be fine, that is a guarantee with your resilient spirits.

To baby #6 within me. I know you may not be struggling as much as I am, but your first dose of experience is quite a journey.  Keep kicking, let's try to fight this journey so we can both start to heal eventually.  17 weeks down, many to go.  You're a trooper.  Love you more than I can say, Mommy

Pregnancy Health Update

I love the unending diversity of humans.  I also find it humbling because it places you in a position, when you don't fit the norm, to be completely dependent on God.  There's always a center ground where most people fall in certain aspects of life--intelligence, health data, and even years spent alive according to life circumstance.  Because we don't call the shots, there are also extreme outliers...those ones that caused your math test to be "dumbed" down a notch, giving you a B instead of a C, or who made it impossible to achieve valedictorian...and the ones who died far too young.  You know you're one of those "medical" anomalies when your physician spends 2 hours with you alone for a clinical visit, verbally spouting off the clouds of thoughts entering his mind and then spends additional time talking to your other physicians about you--intrigued by your case, but still dumbfounded.  I'm grateful my career is in medicine, because my doctors and I can talk in acronyms without having a visit last twice as long because of important lessons on the "why's" and "how's" of physiology.  I'm also incredibly grateful for all the knowledge I've gained up to this place in my life.  Everything I've learned as a nurse (and that's a lot), but most importantly my real time experiences with patients who were the "outliers", has prepared me to fight for myself, understand by mere knowledge what I can do to gain ground without researching the internet or asking a doctor for answers, and has allowed me to most recently come to understand that I'm not in control.  I can give it my best shot, and by all means there is incredible pain that may cause me to feel frustrated, alone, and desperately trying to find more answers....but, I am not the ultimate keeper of my plan.  My plan can be manipulated and influenced by my choices--and I will continue to strive to make choices that feel right--but relinquishing the idea that I can control everything brings me peace that I cannot have when I'm caught up in too many "why's" and "how's".  Sometimes it's good to just sit and be content with what is, even if what currently is feels impossible.  "What is" has been painfully hard to many, and will continue to be for many more to come--how else could we be refined?

I've been in the hospital too many times through this pregnancy.  It is a draining experience.  That, on top of running from the Maternal Fetal High Risk OB's I see, to picking up the critical specialists who need to monitor me through this rapid changing time for me, working still, and running the kids around for school and activities--it's one busy life.  I LOVE being busy, but being busy when you are reaching a state of needing to lay down most of the time in order to prevent more complications, sickness, and hospital admissions is far too much.  My pregnancies have always been complicated, but this one came unexpectedly in the thick of some dire medical attention.  Aside from the paralytic episode in June, I ended up in the care of many specialists because of the nature of this idiopathic disease process worsening.  I was in the hospital in January as well for acute kidney failure.  I have since been placed on higher doses of diuretics in order to stabilize my blood pressure and take off the fluid that literally just sits on me and doesn't come off without medical assistance.  Blood pressure problems are usually a result of poor health and advanced aging, but my issues started over night and are, as of now, idiopathic in nature.  Gratefully, I have a nephrologist, endocrinologist, and OB who have all brainstormed my case and they believe that I am suffering from a very organic condition indeed that could even possibly be remedied.  If it does pan out to be what they think it is, which is fibromuscular dyplasia, they would need to surgically repair the arteries in my kidneys.  Normally, our main arteries which supply blood to our organs are large and have plenty of space and elasticity to allow blood to flow smoothly.  In this case, the arteries leading to the kidneys would be narrow, reducing the blood that flows to the kidneys.  If left untreated for years, there would inevitably be kidney disease and death.  At this time, my kidneys may be mocked into believing that my body is dehydrated or hemorrhaging, all because of this possible narrowing of the arteries.  Naturally, the body would do everything it could in order to preserve fluid if there was true dehydration or blood loss.  The kidneys send signals to the adrenal glands and the brain to hold onto the fluid that is in the body--making it less likely that you would naturally discard it in urine.  This is a self preserving mechanism of the human body--one of the many that God has instilled within the body so that we can have our best shot at a long life.  It is amazing.  So, when someone like me--who drinks a ton of water and has never had the desire to put a cup down even of I'm not truly needing water, has this preserving mechanism activated, there are only so many places the fluid--which isn't being peed off--can go.  Once the veins are overloaded with fluid, the blood pressure rises.  The kidneys are STILL having reduced blood flow because the arteries are small--a stirring straw verses a big round McDonald's drinking straw--so the fluid builds and builds regardless of what is happening in the rest of the body.  Eventually the fluid builds up too much and starts to leak out of the veins and into the tissues of the body--into the legs, hands, face, brain, and around all the organs you have.  Heaven forbid it builds to the point of spilling into the lungs.  I have always been brave enough to seek emergent care before my lungs are wet, but because the water has to go somewhere, it places pressure on all of my organs and I end up having much less room to breath, digest food, etc.  My heart has been very strong, although the fluid build up tends to open the valves, causing a backwards leakage--regurgitation--which is why I have been watched for pulmonary hypertension as well.  The valves that protect the fluid from putting an increase pressure on my right heart have been leaky and causing more resistance for the lungs--resulting in a secondary pulmonary hypertension.  I have been blessed to explain my symptoms to a few doctors who are very understanding of physiology and they naturally understand what I mean when I tell them it's hard to breath when the fluid is building up-- any activity feels like death, literally.  Keeping the fluid off is the only way to keep my heart and lungs in better shape.  Of course, the surgical repair could be done once they can definitively diagnose the problem via MRI or CT scan with contrast--both of which they desire to hold off on for the safety of the baby until after pregnancy.

That being said, my body is not handling the pregnancy well at all.  Up to and at the end of the first trimester in the natural physiology of all pregnancies, women produce hormones that are a safety mechanism for the baby--these hormones allow the blood vessels in our body to expand more than usual and relax so that blood can freely flow to the baby, assuring growth and development.  I had one week fo a close to normal blood pressure, ut for the most part, I have suffered with high blood pressure--even higher than my baseline with these problems prior to pregnancy.  I find myself frustrated, knowing there is very little I can do to change that.  In combination, the first time they checked my urine at 12 weeks, I was already "spilling" protein.  High BP and spilling protein are really the only two traits you need to be diagnosed with preeclampsia.  Come 20 weeks, they will officially put that in writing--grrr.  Because I have been dealing with more fluid than a normal pregnant woman, I am also having an increase in vomiting which has left me to "spill" ketones as well--a by product of the body using itself for energy because I am not able to keep enough food down.  Being 16 weeks and having all of these complications has placed me in a state of weariness, and even some bitterness.  I feel worse than I ever have, and this little boy has had some pretty bad conditions to grow in from the start.  I have felt him move--though the movements do slow down a bit each week.  When I am not keeping anything down, I don't feel a single movement.  As soon as a few bites stays in me for 15 minutes, he kicks.  I'm almost tempted to stuff lots of good food down on the better days.  LOL  The doctors did warn me at 12 weeks that every week will change and be challenging in my particular case.  We will be chasing a process that has a mind of it's own,  At 12 weeks, I could laugh through that.  Now, at 16 weeks, I'm crying though it.  Yes, every week has brought new challenges, and I am not looking forward to them getting harder.

Baby Boy

My charming baby boy--I am currently aching more than my body has ever ached as I carry you.  At 16 weeks, I have now felt the life within you begin as a flutter 8 weeks ago and move into wonderful stretches and kicks.  I've never felt my babies move so early, but I believe you are a gift of hope through some of the weary days I've had.  Perhaps the Lord knew the increased suffering which would attend me in this journey to bring you life would nearly break me, and so He softened my heart by giving me a very keen awareness of your strong and wonderful life from the start.  It has indeed been a hard journey already.  From hospital visits to long days spent in bed, praying my body will ease its struggle and simply let you grow, these 16 weeks have strained me more than I thought I'd ever feel.  The doctors are keeping a close eye on both you and me....as you have brought an awareness to the medical field of my dire need for treatment--for if they allowed my body to go the way it has, your sweet little life would be threatened.  As would mine, because I love you too much to lose you.  I'm currently carrying far more fluid than I should, but my kidneys simply can't keep up, for some reason.  I will most likely have to visit the hospital again to pull some of that fluid off safely; we will pray for the doctors wisdom come Monday.  For now, sweet son, hang in there.  You kicked me up near my belly button today, and it almost felt like you were flipping around....keep going.  We will fight through this.  I'm at work tonight.  As I stood to chart some assessmebts, I caught a glimpse of my profile.  Too often, women talk about things they want to change about themselves. I am not immune to that useless talk.  Yet, as I saw my profile tonight, I saw an image of perfection--not by any worldly stance, but by the innate gift and miracle I've been given, to bring you forth.  For the gift of life, to therefore bring life to you, even in pain and suffering, I thank God. I Love You Forever, Mommy

P.S. If you hear a little voice wishing you well each morning and saying good night, faithfully, it is your sweet sister Maya.  She loves you so much and whispers words to you daily.  She asked me if you would hear her, and when I said yes, she said she wants you to know her when you come....so she talks to you daily.  She was born nearly 6 years ago--I thought she was my last child. You have made her a very happy big sister! 

Immovable Aiden

We went to see the new Captain America--Civil War movie tonight for Aiden's Birthday.  There is a quote that describes my sweet Aiden perfectly.  "Compromise where you can.  Where you can't, don't.  Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right.  Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye and say, 'no, YOU move.' "

I can hear him right now, with that same firmness I've taught him, which sometimes needs compromise😉; I can hear him being immovable.  It is a gift when we stand for right.  And boy does my child stand for right.  He is moved to tears of angst when he sees suffering, nonsensical suffering caused by the world and its ways.  He is strong and wants to change the bad, with his own two hands.  He's defended me at times, and the tears he has quietly cried when he's seen people wrong me are shed in pure love. We just get eachother--like best friends.  

My AMAZING son turned 11 today.  He is entering an age of exploration and drive that leaves me in awe. In anticipation of band, he pulled out the one instrument we do have in the house today and spent hours practicing until he could properly blow through my old flute, and he made it sound good!!! That's hard stuff--a flute is a beautiful instrument that not everyone can play! (Believe me, I watched my sisters try for years!)  He doesn't stop....ever....until he makes it.  He was up at 0530, waiting for me to come home.  I did, and was the first person to wish him a happy birthday; you can imagine the heartache in me when he was knocking at my door at 3pm in tears because I had to sleep part of the day.  My body has been struggling through this pregnancy, and the little rest I did get was far too little.  I've never been placed in a position to not be able to walk the extra mile for my family--and the struggle of not being capable is torture for me.  I cried in bed, knowing that his heart was broken.  Yet, his sadness turned in an instant once the celebration began.  He got a lot of what he wanted (thanks to grandma and grandpa Fultz!) and a little of what he's dreamed of.  I actually pulled off a birthday surprise!  He's been practicing sprints in the streets for years, and now he can put on a pair of track spikes and truly learn the art of sprinting on a professional track.  I got myself a pair so I can run by his side....pushing him to higher places--making even more beautiful memories.  His brother and Daddy both want some now as well! ☺️ This boy seems to follow every dream I followed....but he does it on his own, one step at a time.  I am beyond honored to call him mine.  I can't imagine what another 11 years will hold; my heart is truly overflowing in love and gratitude for having 11 already.  Aiden, always follow your heart...and when the world is tearing at you--threatening to steal the confidence you've worked so hard to gain and begging you to lose the worth you innately own, pushing you to lose the place you rightly have earned--stand firm, planted like a tree, and tell the world, with its many voices, "No, YOU move."  I'd be lost without your smile, your laugh, and your tight hugs.  You are truly my "Angel Aiden" as the song I made you in your first week of life states. 

"🎤Aiden Obadiah, servant of the Lord! Sweet little Angel Aiden, you are our second born🎤"

Forever Yours....in love and hope, Mommy

Sunday Lessons, From Experience Alone

I'm finding that in every episode of life, there are HUGE lessons that I learn and can therefore apply to others, so that I can show an increase in patience, love, and empathy to everyone I am placed in contact with through my mortal journey.  The power of those lessons aren't felt by many through innate knowledge; it is by experience that we learn compassion.

I've not been able to do 90% of what I could do 3 months ago--and that includes hauling all my children off to church on those Sunday's that I have worked my night shifts and am left to battle the home front alone; 4 children, my current health, and no sleep is already an impossible task.  While I shouldn't be concerned about what others may interpret as my "excuse" for not being at church, I still have slight issues with people's perceptions of me. I'm happy to admit my faults, by the way, because it makes me feel more human.  I'm happier to work on them, moreover, because it makes me feel more divine.  

As I lay in bed, about ready to doze off, I can think of a hundred things I can say--reasons I can give for my choice to be home on these Sunday mornings, the reasons I stay in bed.  However, stating them would be contrary to what my weaknesses are meant to teach me.  Instead, I can ponder my trials, and between me and God, I can rest assured that I'm doing everything I can to live to my potential.  Now, after some tribulation and heartache I never wanted, tried to fight, but surely got, I KNOW what it means to feel the judgement of others when you are trying your best....but your best looks like failure on the outside.  Taking a step inside, if you must, helps clear the view, dissipates foggy perceptions and poorly conceived opinions.  How beautiful are those who never "have" to take a step inside to have compassion upon a soul; those eyes belong to living Angels.  Yet, I do believe that becoming vulnerable enough to truly navigate your way into a persons struggles, with no intent but to help them through, is the ultimate token of love and friendship--blessed are the few who do that for one another.   

"ALL these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good...."  When we stop taking offense to the mistakes of others, but we start looking at how we may have erred  in our approach, we can truly recognize that scripture for its worth.  

Now, baby #6 and I are off to sleep, healing our bodies as we slumber, while kiddos 1, 2, 4, and 5, snack, play, and enjoy some down time.  Good morning, and Goodnight....

A picture for the baby record....this work of growing a baby is harder than ever.  Heaven help me.  

Stress Relief....Christmas Cheer

I wrote this post between one missed appointment and another one later in the day, which I actually got to.  Just didn't get to click the "publish" button. Most often, I look back at my writing and see the significance in, perhaps, years.  The older I get, the closer I find myself seeing my written word being a foreshadow of events God already knows to be.  Today, it was only a few hours between the writing and the awe.  

Original Post at around 1:45pm:

I post this today because I had an experience this morning that reminded me of the strain upon me that I need to let go....and watch it fly away.  We all have something that fits that category. I was referred to a Cardiologist, a plea I made for 2.5 years to one medical professional, but she thought it wasn't necessary.  My new doc, after looking at one set of lab values, and wthout me even asking him to refer me, sent in a referral to a Cardiologist.  I nearly cried when I got the call, because waiting for many years, praying for God's hand to be done, going through the paralytic experience in June which led me to MD's who told me they insisted I get a team of MD's on my case since it is so complicated, and then not even choosing my doctor, having it chosen for me by the hospital, watching him use his knowledge...hearing he gained knowledge I had that he didn't quite yet (humbling himself, saying "I don't know what that is" when he didn't, with a sweet smile), and thanking me for letting him read it between appointment #1 and #2; all these things gave me validation, finally.  It almost felt like my work was simply to go where they tell me to go now....those long years of pleading for answers and asking for referrals were the work which led me to a place where God could finally carry me.  I still must walk, as strenuous as it may sometimes be, into that referral office, but I felt carried by His Hand these last several weeks.  

I got to my Cardiology this morning and after having asked the sweet lady yesterday where to go 2 times, she hesitated and said I would go to the main hospital.  I did.  They didn't have me in for an appointment.  So, I sat talking with a smile to the lady, Miss Lenora, who was checking me in.  She saw my disappointment, though I sought to keep my face calm and my conversation cheerful.  She felt my weariness, and of the two recpetionsists I could have seen, she opened right as my number came up.  We worked through the confusion, and sat in silence for a moment.  I told her what I discerned to have been the cause for confusion, and it was confirmed that I was correct, a few hours later.  (Good brainwork there--no blame put on anyone, just a simple understanding of what I saw as a simple accident.)  After I told her my rationale, she agreed, then I said I was a little frustrated, and became vulnerable.  When I say I'm frustrated, it's not in anger, it's said with a little grin, a few tears that won't fall yet, and a calm voice, like a timid child.  She looked at me, thought some more, and whispered, "Are you a believer?"  Then....the tears broke through and I said with such honor, "Yes!"  She said, "Don't you worry baby girl.  God is in control and He always will be." (looks aside and quiets her voice a bit...workplace sharing of religious values is prohibited, but I gave her permission to talk to me).  She said she had to be cautious because you can't talk to others about these things, but then she said, "Now when these feelings come over you, you know honey, it is only the Adversary trying to destroy your soul.  He is fighting hard, and he will never win, so when you feel this frustration or anxiety come over you, you say 'Get behind me Satan, in Jesus name, you leave me.  I am not my anxiety, and I am not my frustration. You give that to me.'  And then you whisper 'Jesus, Jesus, Jesus...'"  She was bold, but that moment was needed by me today.   I was in tears as I told her of how beautiful her soul was, and how my beliefs are solid with hers, I told her that when I allow my Savior in, His peace comes, and Satan has to leave.  She nodded a gentle motherly nod and said that, "God is in control.  He knew you would sit face to face with me today.  He knew what you would need to hear.  He knows the timing of when you will find all your answers, and when you find them...."  I gently interrupted, and said, "When it happens, I give Him the Glory, because it all comes by Him."  Her sweet smile returned, she held my hand, and we both wept for a moment.  Note, I had never told her the details of my journey, she only knew I was there for some heart procedures.  In prayers, over this week, I have sought God to give me direction, to give me the knowledge I need of my path towards healing--the right or wrongfulness of it.  I read my scriptures and received clear answers each time, and one of the strongest ones that came several times was the fact that little by little, help and answers will come....but when they do, the Glory will go to God....because by His hand, whom I am reaching out to more than ever in this battle, there will be answers, relief, or even just peace of mind, if relief can't come.  My peace of mind is here....because of my answers; He delivers when we seek Him out.  Only He can bring lasting peace.  If I didn't seek Him, I'd be stressed, confused and weary.  Now, as noted above, all the rest is simply work.  I'm pretty good at work.  ;-)

So, when I got home from the missed appointment, and waited to drive an hour and 15 minutes to my rescheduled appointment, I looked at my pictures, my fond recent memories.  Documenting them was my stress relief.   

My Christmas Cheer:

You will see that I do actually see Christmas as a stress relieving time of year.  This year, I was inspired to get all the shopping done before November...and take luck in promptings...because we found out shortly into November that we were being asked to leave our home within 30 days.  We are still in transition, as gentle persuasion does in fact assist in our cause, but it didn't prevent some heavy wrongs done.  I'd rather simply get over it and move on, so I am...

Christmas has been so relieving for me these last 2 years because I have chosen to sing in The Messiah production we put on in our county.  Every week, for 6 prior, a couple hours on Sunday evenings, a group of beautiful souls--some of my favorite people--came together to sing and prepare to praise our Lord and His divine ministry to the world.  The following are all the pictures I captured that night--I'm quite big on photos.  

My family....always telling me they can pick out my soprano tone, and they love the highest notes the best.  They are learning to love the Messiah as they hear me practice at home, especially the children.  Aiden practiced a run of sixteenth notes that he heard me master this year...it's a LOOOOOOOONG run peeps!  His tone will fit a tenor one day...I love him so much.  He has my same drive, same gentle loving spirit who feels pain deeply, can love easily, and stands for himself ever so....well, we kinda over do it when we defend ourselves.  I defend on occassion very selectively, and he does too...I've seen his patterns, we both have some mastering to do.  Once it's done, I think he'll be ready for greater things...  Connor is a very controlled person, calm, non reactive--AMAZING.  He doesn't see the use in getting upset over every little thing, and that is such a beautiful trait to have at the prime age of 12.  Lydia is a face value, "I won't do this until I want to, and you can kinda deal with that," kinda gal.  Man, she is determined, and even though it makes for some hard parenting days, she has a gift.  When she uses it to defend herself as a Daughter of God in all the virtuous ways she has and will learn to use, she will be strong as a scepter, springing forth from God himself.  Maya is gentle as a lamb, and she, of all my children, will be called a peacemaker.  She has the normal 5 year old tricks she pulls, but goodness, there is a tenderness in her touch, a softness in her voice, a love in her heart, and a longing for others comfort and care that she carries in her verbal prayers everyday that shows me she is innately showing her Daughter of God characteristics.  I would say all three of usgirls  strive to display them:  Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, Choice and Accountability, Good Works, Integrity, and Virtue.  I believe a Daughter of God can calm a storm with the touch of her hand or the calmness of her tender voice, and a Son of God can carry powers greater than he cold ever imagine, to protect, provide, and preside in righteousness, by kindness.  I believe we choose our path, and will be given these gifts as we prove our willingness to temper our wills and look to God in all things.  I have a son who was already refined enough, who would never need the pain of this world to learn those characteristics.  I have him--he's mine; that tells me divinity runs through our veins.  Sweet Shane, you remind me daily that my actions will allow me to be with you one day, and I will bless this world by my faith so long as I must, and can,  live here.  I will teach your siblings to do the same.  And Daddy, if there is anything he loves, it is me singing and him listening on. I use to be afraid to sing in front of him--then I realized we only live once.  So, here...you have my beautiful family above.

Some of my soprano sisters...I really do love them so much....

More soprano beauties...

A little babe, my favorite soprano of the group.  I received glances from her with every practice.  We would sing, she would look back at me as we finished a run through, and we would exchange a wink and smile.  I simply adore this little one; she is already using her gifts for God--brave soul!

One of my High School friends!!!!

My Relief Society President!!!  HAHA!!! I know she would never want me to call her that, but she is, and she is a great friend who gives her talents to the Lord as well.

An alto voice that stirs your soul...my sweet friend.

My sweet Miriam.  I went out with the sister missionaries and made contact with her while knocking on doors one cold January day 2 years ago.  She told us, "I'm not looking into being converted or anything, I just want some friends."  I smiled and told her she can have many friends!  In that same meeting, I was prompted by the Spirit to share with her the story of the First Vision....ummm, slight hesitation from me, but the security  I have in promptings from the Spirit allowed me to do just that.  We caught her...and her life has been blessed, as our congregation has been blessed immensely by her.

My dear Cara--an alto voice I love singing with.  She is a very patient, long-suffering, and faithful friend.  If you don't know her, you should.  Many have left me as I've battled health issues, but she has stood aside waiting for me to be ready for her.  Sounds a lot like the Example of love we were singing to that very night, in December.

A soprano, beautiful Catherine, who deserves a career in classical singing; I could listen to her and one of my other sweet sopranos from above, Krystle, all day long.  I bet they could calm the tempest that sometimes comes over me.

Faithful friends....Miss Mel was my best friend since Middle School.  Faithfully there...to hear me sing.  To still be here after all these years, that's a testament of genuine friendship.

A beautiful and happy soul, my sweetest friend as of late, Miss Kathryn.  I just love this woman.  She is hard core like me...you don't stop at 20 push-ups, you push until you can't move anymore!!!  LOL  I recently have learned that we share many things in common, and are now great strengths to each other.  The Lord is so good to bring you straight to the people that can give you relief.

My beautiful Mother and gorgeous sisters ( minus my twin...I could photoshop her in I guess, but imagine two of me!)  I tell everyone, "Look at our noses, then you will see we are all related!"  My Mom, we are alike in so many beautiful ways....we look very much alike too.  My heart leapt outta' my chest when I saw them there that night!

We start and end with family...just happened to perfectly fall in line that way!

Cinder Ella

I wanted to announce, "stay in bed" this morning, but the drive to be a good mother overcame the urge to sleep.  Long sick days are hard on the entire family.  Mom is tired far before the children are, Mom is breaking and starting fevers every few hours, and Mom just wants a break--or some help.  As soon as the younger kids were off....

I spent my whole morning cleaning tubs filled with dust, dirt, and mouse poop, only to come home after the last school drop off at noon and see empty tubs waiting to be filled.  13 is a lucky number, per my sweet friend Anna.... I'm praying that move #13 is NOT our last, but that it brings many good things to come.  I'm looking at the situation at hand as though it already is so.  

Instead of packing tubs, because I am very worn thin (and still sick), I decided to put on my heels from Christmas (in my sweat pants and pony tail) and walk around my house!  Who woulda' known that my husband would get me the most comfortable heels I've ever had???  His theme for me was Cinderella; he chose clearance odds and ends that were perfect.  The fit of the shoe: perfect.  Oddly enough, I got the girls a 7 princess Barbie collection for Christmas  and asked them to pick 3 out for themselves and I would have the 7th.  Guess what?  When all was said and done, I was left with Cinderella.  

My favorite princes as a little girl: Cinderella

My Halloween costume this year: Maiden Cinderella

My Christmas theme: Cinderella

My current role: house cleaning Cindrella, in some torn rags, I admit

My dream for eternity: a type of Cinderella, but replace everything after the "C" with "rystal"!   But it will only come once the work here is done!!!

To hard days, that eventually end....may the odds be ever in our favor (Haha)!

Health update to come....

Better yet, children updates ahead....

Lovingly, Miss Crys AKA Cinderella