Baby Boy

My charming baby boy--I am currently aching more than my body has ever ached as I carry you.  At 16 weeks, I have now felt the life within you begin as a flutter 8 weeks ago and move into wonderful stretches and kicks.  I've never felt my babies move so early, but I believe you are a gift of hope through some of the weary days I've had.  Perhaps the Lord knew the increased suffering which would attend me in this journey to bring you life would nearly break me, and so He softened my heart by giving me a very keen awareness of your strong and wonderful life from the start.  It has indeed been a hard journey already.  From hospital visits to long days spent in bed, praying my body will ease its struggle and simply let you grow, these 16 weeks have strained me more than I thought I'd ever feel.  The doctors are keeping a close eye on both you and me....as you have brought an awareness to the medical field of my dire need for treatment--for if they allowed my body to go the way it has, your sweet little life would be threatened.  As would mine, because I love you too much to lose you.  I'm currently carrying far more fluid than I should, but my kidneys simply can't keep up, for some reason.  I will most likely have to visit the hospital again to pull some of that fluid off safely; we will pray for the doctors wisdom come Monday.  For now, sweet son, hang in there.  You kicked me up near my belly button today, and it almost felt like you were flipping around....keep going.  We will fight through this.  I'm at work tonight.  As I stood to chart some assessmebts, I caught a glimpse of my profile.  Too often, women talk about things they want to change about themselves. I am not immune to that useless talk.  Yet, as I saw my profile tonight, I saw an image of perfection--not by any worldly stance, but by the innate gift and miracle I've been given, to bring you forth.  For the gift of life, to therefore bring life to you, even in pain and suffering, I thank God. I Love You Forever, Mommy

P.S. If you hear a little voice wishing you well each morning and saying good night, faithfully, it is your sweet sister Maya.  She loves you so much and whispers words to you daily.  She asked me if you would hear her, and when I said yes, she said she wants you to know her when you come....so she talks to you daily.  She was born nearly 6 years ago--I thought she was my last child. You have made her a very happy big sister!