Making Milestones

My thinking has forever changed since being diagnosed with cancer.  For a long time through this journey I had felt that I have simply been a burden on my family.  For every breath that I have taken, I feel like my family is taking twice as many as we try to keep the morale up in our tiny, cluttered, and neglected home.  If there is anything that I would desire to tell all people about cancer and it's consequences, it would be this--DO NOT JUDGE.  Do not judge yourself, if you are facing treatment, do not judge each other, and definitely do not judge another family and how they are managing this extremely difficult and ugly time in life.  I have a household who has depended on me for a very long time now.  Even when I have stood in a place to help out financially, I still placed myself in a position to be the person who keeps everything together inside the home as well.

From an inside perspective, you probably don't need to be told much.  If you or anyone in your home has suffered through cancer, you know that all you will be doing for at least the next year is hanging on for your dear life--this includes adults and children alike--everyone is simply surviving, even if it's ugly.  There will rarely be time to do a thorough cleaning of any room, and if time miraculously comes, energy may be so low that accomplishing tasks, such as cleaning a kitchen and folding laundry will seem impossible.

From an outside perspective, just keep what the insiders know all too well in the front of your mind at all times when interacting with the family who is struggling through a cancer diagnosis--when walking into their home, look at the people, especially if you have no desire or intent to help in tidying the home (which I understand if you don't), just look into the eyes of the people who are suffering--their suffering is greater than you could ever comprehend, and their untidy home does not reflect who they are.  If anything their home reflects what they have chosen to focus on instead of the home, which would be each other, and that is a great and beautiful quality.

After living like strangers in our own lives for 9 months now, I am happy to say that I took advantage of my last day before my last Red Devil infusion to enjoy the children.

I was far from beautiful, as my baggy sweatpants and t-shirt hung off of me like I had just trudged myself out of bed.  I've given up on makeup and scarves or hats for the last several months--I have no energy for any of it at this point.

What I did get was the opportunity to witness Gavin's first "park" milestones...

We placed him in the swing for the first time in his little life!

There were moments when he looked content, and then moments when he looked like he would puke at any given moment!

His siblings were 100% involved in this milestone, either by pushing, swinging beside him, or swinging with him!

Let's not forget--kisses were involved as well!

Lydia made sure Gavin got his first bouncy spring ride!

And even though I was fluid overloaded, a condition no one can diagnose still, and I have been terrible at sticking with my medications, I had to document the day when I had enough energy to take my babies to the park for the first time in over a year....

The last few years of my life have been so hard and prevented me from doing basic Mommy tasks, like park visits.

Let us not forget, Lydia and Maya got the wish of their hearts today...short hair!

These girls are so lovely....

I am blessed to have had a beautiful and eventful day, tangibly loving my children with kisses, hugs, and hands through their hair.  I pray I have many more milestones to go....