Aiden...in Hi-Def!!!

My Angel Aiden turned 8 in May.  He remains an angel through the entire eight years I have had him in my arms...and the 9 months he as in my belly!

On the morning of his Birthday, he got up EXTRA early, all on his own, and he showered!  He looked handsome for his Birthday!  It was a school day, so I had stayed up extra late, using the products we had in our house to make brownie chocolate chip cupcakes for his class.  Yes...it was a creation of mine with what we had, but they happened to be a hit!

 I worked terribly hard to make his room immaculate, organizing all of his Lego's and every crevice of his closet, and even under his and Connor's beds!  I didn't have much of anything to give him on his Birthday, and he knew that...so when he came home and saw an immaculate room, I received the tightest hug from my angel!

His Aunt's, however, had something in store for him.

So, after school, we went to run some errands!

SURPRISE!!!

We ended up at the park with all the cousins (minus the PA ones) for a mini Birthday celebration! 

With ice cream on his chin, and a new notebook, he let us know that it was the best Birthday!!!

 When Daddy got home, we ended up celebrating his Birthday at Chuck E. Cheese!

My angel Aiden...

You have developed an even firmer love for people as you have grown.

Your favorite thing to do with me is cuddle...your eyes light up when you wake in the morning and I happen to be the only person up with you--we end up cuddling together for a good while!

You have faced a lot of obstacles lately....from lacerated corneas, to in office removal of a mole, to a hospitalization for T&A removal.

Your teacher said that you grew so much in the last year.  You started as a shy and scared boy in second grade...you even ran away from school the very first week.

By the end of the year, you had opened up and expressed a LOVE for school...I really believe that your teacher aided in that love for you!

Your favorite color is still green.

Your favorite pass time activity is absolutely Lego's.

You LOVE being active and running and riding your bike.

You adore the callick in your hair...the one on the right of your front hairline...you think it's pretty cool!

You NEED distractions in order to stay on track;

for example, you need to play and do homework all at once, it is quite exhausting for me!

BUT...I wouldn't change that for the world.

Your favorite food is cereal...you can eat is morning noon and night!

You wanted to eat school lunch all year long while your brother wanted a packed lunch!

And ever since your T&A, you have grown, my dear...you are such a beautiful child!

I love you Aiden Obadiah "Obii"...you make me smile, every single day.  You may have a little anger built up in your pre teen body, but it's nothing I can't handle.  I know how to make you smile in the midst of that anger...and it usually comes in the form of a big hug!

Aiden, let's make the next phase a great one!

We love you little guy!

My Children, Gaining Ground on Momma!

My children are growing like weeds!

E-Hem...I am too, but for sad and unfortunate reasons!

But seriously, I went to take out the trash and saw Connor's shoes there by the door.  I slid them on and they fit, perfectly!!!  He recently got a pair of heelies, and now I want some, since I know they will fit.

They say boys grow out of hugging and loving their mothers...

i am determined to keep that alive in our home.  I want them to love and hug me so that they will in turn be the husbands that their sweet wives will deserve, one day!  A man will eventually treat his wife in the manner he continues to treat his Mother...and they adore me at this rate!

Aside from them gaining ground on my height, hand and foot size...but not the weight....grrr...if my body stayed it's natural way (without disease), they'd be there too...they are gaining strength to match me as well.  Connor was a tough fight, but I still conquered him!

Aiden was actually a tougher fight...but I indeed won again!!!

Lest we forget, not only did Aiden have a baptism recently...he had a wonderful Birthday...that and more of my journey with health obstacles to come...

For now, enjoy the image of my beautiful Aiden, the morning and afternoon of his special day!  He IS one amazing and good hearted boy!  Aiden, Obii, Hi-Def, and the list goes on...

I will pay tribute to your fun 8th next time!  

Maya at 3! Golden Day for a Very Golden Belle!

My precious little Maya Ruth turned THREE on June THIRD!!  That's a Golden Birthday in my book!  I was so happy to have her turn three, and so sad all at once.  Every new stage is the end of another, and my heart is so very tender when it comes to advancing in those moments with my babies. It is such a joy to see them become amazing and beautiful children, however!

Maya was determined to wear her Princess dress, Rapunzel for her Birthday.  I allowed it to be, and curled her hair like a princess too!  I dressed myself in a purple top I had worn many times in her pregnancy...purple is Maya's favorite color.  

As a matter of fact, Maya has been saying, for months, that she wanted to go to build a bear, and get a purple build a bear, get purple presents, and a purple cake.  Mind you, she adores the color purple so much that at preschool one day this year, she told her Aunt Sunny that her hair color was purple!!!

This little gal makes me so happy to be a mother.  She was not an expected baby!

I went into the doctor in September of 2009 to get an IUD, that very day.  The doctor required a pregnancy test prior to placing an IUD...turns out I was pregnant!  I am so glad I was because Maya has been the most precious bundle of joy we have had. 

This year, Maya has...

Overcome her infant kidney reflux disease...YAHOO!! 

Learned to love princesses and any thing that allows her to look more like a princess.

Will wear play princess heels that are way too big for her...to the park, to the store, and even running and hiking!

She adores my make-up and will spend my entire make-up routine fixing up herself at a pretty princess speed!

She adores when I place pony tail holders in her hair...she actually likes braids and pony tails.

She LOVES food--she will eat just about anteing you place in front of her.  She will devour her plate and sit next to Steve or I and beg for bites from out plates which are always more complex and delightful looking.

Her favorite lullaby is Dora...yes, the cartoon song!

She has recently ventured into singing Jesus Loves Me and I Love to See the Temple more often.

She adores her Mimi, and desires to see her and be with her often, but when she is with her...she gets shy and puts 90% of the time we are with her.

She has started called her Grandpas (Grandpa Fultz, Papa, and Grandpa Roy) Grandpa Roy...to which I have to explain the rational over and over again to her sweet little mind.

She went from loving nursery to needing one special person there to calm her...Sister Newey!

She has gone from shouting in church and when the other children are sleeping to understanding the importance of a whisper...and her whisper is a sound that makes my heart melt.

She has learned t go for runs in the jogger without screaming 90%of the time, but she loves to get out and run with me...so I b=never really get a good run in when I tag my children with me!

She has said goodbye to the bottle, which she started requesting as her bottle with syrup for weeks prior to the cold turkey method of saying goodbye.

She will still remind me daily, "I your baby huh Mommy?"

Yes, Maya YOU are my baby!!!

I could go on and on...but know this, she is perfect!

We had a special Birthday lunch with Mimi and Papa...it was wonderful!

And Maya continued her pout through the lunch, but we still celebrated her and her beauty! 

Her purple build a bear was a no go, since there were NO purple bears there!  So, she chose her next favorite character, Hello Kitty!  And...she immediately found a matching Rapunzel dress for her as well! 

Daddy picked up her perfect purple cake...and after his long work day, we celebrated the last moments my dear baby would be saying goodbye  to 2, and hello 3!

 We ended up catching a glimpse of what Maya has learned in her twos...her tiny index finger goes straight into her nose when people start giving her extra attention...it's almost a nervous tick!

She went for the blow... 

And nearly missed her golden locks! 

Of course, Daddy, who hadn't seen our baby girl all day was thrilled to cuddle her and carry her like a true princess should be carried!  At least a princess who is only 30 pounds! 

 A few gifts were opened and she received what every girl should have...new clothes from Nonna!

My only child born out of Pennsylvania, yes, my Louisiana Belle...you amaze me daily.  I thank my Dear God for you...you make me better daily!  I love you Princessa...

Mommy!!!

Great Babes!

I admit...my children amaze me!  To some, a large family is ridiculous, expensive, stressful, and even by words I've heard...irresponsible. To me, a large family allows every member an opportunity to grow and become more intricately carved gems; they are capable of enduring better, for they know how to patiently handle and love so many different personalities in a home.

As I was putting the girls to bed tonight the boys inched into the girl's room.  Instead of asking them to leave in order to avoid the distractions they surely offer, I decided to let them stay. Before I knew it, Maya was being read to by Connor with hi fives flying left and right. He even keyed in on her favorite colors and emphasized the purple EVERYTHING that they found ...just for her!  

Within minutes, both boys were hugging and kissing the girls goodnight, commending them for how good they are being as they go to bed for me!  

I am certainly a blessed mother!  They are our joy!

P.S. Related to my hypothyroidism rant (last post)

This is me.
This is my outward image.
This is only a face shot...intentionally.
I'm still comfortable with my face...hopefully I stay that way.
This is the real me in words...to follow...

I find it so uplifting to share some of your burdens with certain people.  As soon as I was directed to an individual on fb who was curious about my gluten free comments, I felt the need to open up to her and let her know what I am struggling with.

Struggling is an understatement...

This disease is taking life out of me, literally.

And to those who may roll their eyes and say, "Stop exaggerating...you're still alive and smiling with five gorgeous babes and a husband!"

To them I say, enduring well sometimes takes a little bit of acting outwardly and suffering inwardly, well...a lot of that!  Until you have walked these shoes, you have no idea what kind of emotional, spiritual, and physical pain is attached.  And telling me I look good doesn't help...I've seen the full body pics of me, and that's precisely why you haven't.  I found one tonight from a few days ago that brought me to tears.  And it is not all about the physical...it is about the emotional, spiritual, psychological, and just the mere fact that my hypothyroidism is MINE, not an exact replicate of "so-and-so's"...they all present and take their own course individually.  That is why medicine is an art...not a concrete science.

I was told her story and it sounds so amazingly like mine...from complete brain fog and forgetfulness to sleepiness and total hormonal chaos.  For example, I took my meds one morning and a half hour later, went into a panic because I didn't take my meds....

or did I?

or didn't I?

I literally did not know.  

Lesson learned?  Nope.

It happened the next three mornings and I wasn't sure if I had overdosed or not...so i finally put all my meds into an organizing container.

I can sleep 12 hours and still need more sleep, but am not allowed that, with 4 kiddos!

My body tells me I'm in menopause, but my age says otherwise.

I researched a med she recommended and in the process found another med people have been taking, and this was a review that explains my ugly symptoms related to energy and fitness to a T!!!

"This review is from: Standard Process Thytrophin PMG 360 T (Health and Beauty)

Of course I give this product a 5 star, I can't live without it. I have never taken synthroid or armour or any other form of thyroid support. I started taking this product 6+ years ago with my thyroid tests actually came back that I did have a thyroid problem. I took it for years and then one day forgot to order it in time. I placed an order and forgot about it. A week or so later I went out for my daily 5 mile run and barely made it a mile out before I had to turn back. I was so weak, tired and freezing cold. I decided I must be coming down with something so I decided to cuddle up by the fire and read a good book (I live in So. California and it was 80 degrees outside). I woke up with my head on the fireplace. A little voice said, "are you taking your thytophin?" So I ran up to check my vitamin trays and sure enough there were no little white pills. I immediately found some on line and have made sure to have some on hand ever since. I take 4 a day because otherwise my morning temp is under 97.8 where it should be. But I haven't needed more. I run about 6 marathons a year and I know this is only possible because of this product. I also recommend anyone who is even looking at this product read, "Why do I still have thyroid symptoms when my lab test say I don't have a thyroid problem." It's by Datis someone. Although his protocol is complex and he is way too expensive and incredibly picky about the clients he will see the book verifies why so many of us with thyroid issues also have gluten intolerances and is good advice on many levels. You just have to keep reading it over and over to understand the complexity of it all. I feel great taking this product but eliminating gluten and casein for me has also made me feel young again. God bless you all. Keep pushing for natural answers and eventually we will be heard."

I am seriously not kidding when I say I went from running 20 miles as my long run on one day of my weekly runs, to dying when I try to run a mile these days.  I recently ran consistently for 6 weeks...daily through a few of those weeks and never broke 2 miles...and was always stopping several times to gather myself to MENTALLY pull through, because physically, I was gone.  

This is my real life.  

This is why I no longer call myself a runner when I have been a  runner my entire life.  

This is real.  

This is me.  

This is the pain I have to endure daily.

This is part of the sadness in my eyes.

This is part of the isolation I choose. 

 Crazy as it seems, my joints are already feeling the effects of what the meds I'm on do to them...it's most likely a combination of autoimmune disease and meds though.  I'm 32 and cannot climb or descend steps without excruciating pain in my knees and ankles, I can barely squat due to the inability of my knees to bend without pain and the uneasiness of retained water making every contraction of my fingers, knees, and toes uncomfortable and annoying.

To those who would wish to brush their hands along the Saviors robe...even just the hem...to be healed, I say, "I KNOW your desires...they are the same as mine."  In experiencing we learn how to succor.  To some, experience come in small increments...in certain topics and degrees.  To others, experience comes in every topic and degree.  I feel we are on that path to know so much about suffering...for the cause of drawing near to The Lords children and succoring them in their heartache, grief, sickness, loss, anxieties and fears.  

It is my most sincere desire to find the next soul I can succor...for one, just tonight, found me.

Explanations Galore!

So far, this summer...

There have been a few park visits!  Many park visits have been compromised by the mere location of our home...it takes too much gas to travel the distance from our home to the park, and gas is a luxury for us these days--as I imagine it to be for many large families with SUV's!

But on the days we have been able to make it to the park, the children have soaked in some rays, as the temps have been in the high 90's to 100's.  The boys have been very polite by NOT begging to go home as soon as we arrive; I would like to think they are being chivalrous for their little sisters, but I think they are simply learning some better manners in certain events!

My poor Connor reminded me that he is indeed mine; on the way to the park, I looked back as Aiden was saying , "Mommy???" in a very concerned tone.  Aiden was staring at Connor in disbelief as blood gushed from Connor's nose.  My heart broke for him, as I handed him every napkin and wipe I had...for a moment I thought it would never stop.  It did, eventually. 

Maya's pout quickly turned to smiles when she made her way beneath the climbing dome! 

And Aiden practiced his balancing act, as he sought me to take a picture of him without holding on to the bars!

 There have also been some days out in the sun as we attempt to start running...

AGAIN!!!

How many times have you attempted to start running?

Truth be told, it is really hard to continue running when you don't have an even to train for.

Logically, you would sign up for an event...but they all cost money.

I spoke with my husband and twin about it recently, and we agreed that it would be fun to set a date for our own event, in the cause of our personal goals.  I would love to train for a marathon one day again...but stay in the same shoes in the last few months so I actually run the full marathon.

I was out one morning with my children.  This was after we ran 1 mile, well the boys stoped at 0.6 miles and I ran ahead a minute or so and then back for them.  We walked a bit after that to catch our breath, give the kiddos drinks of cool water, and then run again.  The boys said that their legs hurt, I emphasized that so do mine...really bad...but it was necessary to keep going when it hurt in order to get stronger.  As we ran, they decided that they would like to train to complete a 5K by the end of the summer.  I would love to get up and do that with them...it is my job to train them!!!  EEEEKKKK!!!  I need to get out and get us ready for a 5K.  It sounds easy compared to all of my running feats...but at the stage I'm in with my personal health, it is a very hard accomplishment for me along with them.  We ended up running 1.6 miles, playing in the sprinklers and walking a mile and half home.  As we were walking, Aiden tailed behind in his work out gear!  Silly boy saw me wear sweatshirts in the cold months as I ran, so he assumes that is a necessity!  Connor walked to my left and quietly said, "Look at the crazy man behind us!"  I looked, and it was my sweet and crazy Aiden!!!

To get the record straight for all those who wonder.

No, I am NOT pregnant.  

Many have looked at my growing belly over the last year, and I see what they are thinking.  

I went from 126 to almost 160 currently...actually went form 126 to 145 in less than a month back in December.  It was not totally me...it was my body giving out on me.  (Eventually stress does that!  And we have lived a life full of stress!   To have the issues I have at 32 is not common.)

My doctor thought I was severely depressed, which I was, but my labs proved that I was actually suffering from hypothyroidism.

I was treated starting in December.

Since, I have done a TON of dieting, started exercise regimens and done really well most of the time but stoped because, guess what?

Nothing is working.

Since December I went form 145 to almost 160.

I have not had my labs drawn again because I currently need a doctor.  

I am depressed.  Would you be?

Especially more so depressed because I have three sisters who are so dainty, small and cute.  

I guess this is a trial I have been called to bear.

Miss Maya has decided lately that 3 is when you start acting like the terrible twos finally came...this has been the case with all of our children!  She throws major tantrums, has decided to start sleeping with a toy again, is asking for bottles!!  Hehe!  Her bedtime toy is a giraffe which she calls a "Jeff", we all laugh at it!  It was a toy her Daddy bought her on the day she was born...how fitting!

She's a very early riser. On this particular day...Friday...She woke me at 5:30.  I hadn't fallen asleep until 3:30, and she came to me, bright eyes and smiling like I was her best friend!  I got up with her...enjoyed her little voice, and took her to the bathroom to do her hair immediately.  She loved the pampering and decided to indulge in a little blush and lip gloss!  As soon as she was done, we went into the kitchen for some breakfast.  She ate...and I went to the bedroom to wake Daddy so I could sleep some more!  Hehe!  He graciously allowed me to sleep.  I was so tired that I slept until 12:40...and if I hadn't felt guilty about sleeping like that, my husband would've taken the kids so I could sleep all day long.  That's just the way he's been these days!  I love it!

Speaking of HIM, my husband.

I absolutely adore him.  He is learning how to be such a gentle and kind man.  Maybe it's because we are currently tied...women against men!  There has to be a lot of tender learning around here!  Every person in this house is sensitive, as a matter of fact, but the girls still far outweigh the boys in sensitivity.  I have been known to let my mouth ramble these days when I'm upset...if you want an example of the rambling, go watch "Marley and Me".  Find the part when they have had two children, they are all in the house, and I believe the husband is sleeping in.  The dog happens to get ahold of the drape samples.  The wife is going off on how it was all his fault that the dog gets ahold of things and ruins objects that she has to pay for now.  He makes some not-so-kind comments, and then she goes off again, calling him a jerk, slamming doors, etc.

Sound familiar to you?  

It does to me!

My husband has learned to hold his tongue!  Even with the ranting from his wife, he chooses to be wise and hold his tongue.  This is not the only area he is improving on, there are so many more...and I am so happy for him!

So, with this in mind, you can understand why...at church today...I became a little angered inside.  I don't recall the exact conversation in Sunday school, but things were being taught.  A gentleman expounded upon his belief in being accountable for the things you had the opportunity to learn in this life...and how you will not receive celestial glory if you do not take advantage of those opportunities.

First of all, do not use those judging words around me...a person will NOT receive celestial glory if... You can quote from the scriptures, but do not paraphrase on this topic, it is too tender and will discourage many form trying if they feel they just aren't good enough.  Steve chirped in and bore his testimony of the Savior, noting that all people learn at different levels and rates, and that through his experiences (which are many, people) he has learned that the Savior is far more merciful than we can understand at times.  So...this gentleman went back at it again, and said, "But you cannot be saved in your ignorance.  If you  have been given an opportunity to learn, you cannot gain that glory."  I was hurt...

1.  Because this man knows a lot about us and our personal situations in life and if felt like a direct insult....this is not the first time these little comments have been made after my husband makes a statement regarding the Savior and His mercy.

and

2.  Bearing testimony of the Savior should never have a counter attack in a church meeting, that's all my dear husband did according to the Spirit he felt.

(I do not hold anything against this gentleman, and it does not deter what I truly believe in.  People say things according to the knowledge they have, and we are at different levels in the game...always will be!)

I have sat alone with my husband many times, and even as of late, we have had the most uplifting conversations that have caused a great spirit to fall over me.  He is a good man, and deserves so very much.  The Lord alone will be his judge, for The Lord alone has felt every loss my husband has endured in this life time.  There have been many losses in our home, amongst things of seemingly less value, such as temporal comfort and jobs...to things of eternal value, such as a child.    We continue to lose hope of things pertaining to a completely comfortable life, but in it all we are doing one thing right...we ALL are cleaving tighter to each other.  I watch him enjoy the children and their sweet nothings when I am at my wits end by dusk.  I watch him look at me with a bit of concern when I raise my voice in frustration over things which need not be emphasized.  I see him on his knees nightly with his scriptures in hand...seeking for goodness, light, and direction.  I know him better than his very mother knows him, so I would hope that I can stand with the Savior to assist in his judgement one day.  I am honored to be his wife.

Back to my beauties...this was before church this morning!  Maya insisted on wearing Rapunzel, and I convinced her to get curly hair to go with it!  Lydia likes her hair to be straight and down...it took a ton of effort to allow me to place a beret in her hair to gather it out of her eyes. 

Speaking of eyes....

It is summer time...

Welcome watermelon eyes!