Understanding Truth

I stood in my bathroom this evening after signing my heart away with my little girls (4 and 3).  We used combs and brushes as our microphones and sang "Down to the River" and "Highway Don't Care"--all suggestions from my talented Miss Lydia.  Between verses, we all switched microphones and danced around with giggles of pure joy escaping the lips of my charming little ladies.



Lydia has been expressing confusion lately over her older...little...brother who died before she was born.  I truly thought she understood until we started going through the lists of family Birthdays coming up.  She knows my Birthday is this week, and in her excitement, she has started to countdown to her Birthday, in January.  I went through the Birthday countdown... "First me, then Baby Shane, then Daddy, and finally it will be YOU!!!"  She recited it back to me, skipping Baby Shane.  I was confused, but allowed her to speak according to her comprehension.



After we finished our singing, Lydia spontaneously mentioned Shane again.  I decided to be very simple and clear: "Lydia, before you were born, your brother Shane died."  For the first time, her carefree concept of her Baby Shane became tainted with sadness; her eyes swelled with tears, her breathing rapidly escaped her tiny lips, and she said, "Mommy, I never got to hold him.  He never got to see me."  The tears poured down her face as she lamented the realization I have tried to paint upon her little mind for 4 years now.  I wonder if it is the age she is that makes this concept real now, because Connor was almost 4 when we lost Shane, and he understood what was happening from the day is occured.  I also wonder if her desire to have another baby in the family is making this truth harder to grasp...she has been asking relentlessly if Heavenly Father will allow another baby to come into our family. She said, "Well there are 2 Baby Shanes right?" (she is so accustomed to me speaking of Baby Shane and how he lives, so the concept of him and his death has caused her to believe that there MUST be two Shanes).  I let her know that the picture of Baby Shane that we have hanging on our walls is the only Baby Shane there is....his body died and his spirit is with Heavenly Father and Jesus now.  When he was alive his spirit and his body were together...it's what made him move, laugh, cry, and smile.  It took many attempts to relate the concept to her, but upon finding a degree of understanding, she said, "When can  I see Baby Shane?"  My standard answer came..."When Jesus allows us to see him, or when Jesus comes again."  She then sorrowed over Jesus and wanting His presence with her again, because she misses him too.  After many repeats of the story, Lydia expressed her desire to NEVER have Baby Shane leave us again once Jesus brings him back to us....and the tears poured harder.  I let her know of the great truths that allows these hard questions and concerns to be bearable...and in great faith, I told her that "he will NEVER leave us again, you will hold him, love him, give him bottles and play with him."  She started dreaming up the place we will live...she let me know it will be big enough for all of the people she loves that she wants to be with forever....her cousins, Emma, Ashley, Hannah and Eden...she spoke of her Baby Shane and then Jesus as well.  After naming off family members she announced that she would like the entire city of people we live with to come and live in that home as well.  Interestingly enough, she made a tangent back to Shane's mortal life and asked if he died in our home...which he did.  I'm not sure how she knew that, but she did.



There is so much truth that comes from the mouths of our little babes...their desires for love, eternal life, and eternal families are so basic and true to the principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  There is a great bond that links someone we have never seen, to us in such deep and intimate ways.  I am grateful that at 4 years old, my little Miss Lydia is learning the deep nature of family.  She is perfect!  She requested that we hang a picture of her brother Shane with her picture of Jesus in her room tonight so that she always has them close to her.  And we did...