Sorrow, Endured Well...Brings Joy

I received an unexpected package in the mail yesterday from my twin sister, Sara.  We are seriously one in heart and mind.  Seriously.  She recalls me every year on Shane's Birthday as though Shane was her own...and on the day of his passing too.  She was the first family member I spoke to when he passed away...and her cries and moans were that of a mother.  She is literally a part of me.

This year, she sent my turquoise.

Turquoise, along with blue topaz, is Shane's Birthday stone.

Turquoise is a symbol of protection to it's wearer.

Indeed, as I have lost a child, it would seem I have suffered unfortunate sadness and unlucky draws...yet, I KNOW without a doubt that if I recall who my son is, and why he was taken from me...and most importantly how I can have him again...I would indeed call him a protection.

He inspires me to live better, to quickly repent of my wrong doings...to love and cherish, hope and dream!

You most surely grace the Heavens with your contagious smiles.... 

We went to church today, my son.

We bore our testimonies.

Lydia has been thrilled to bear her testimony every month...and so she does; she is sweet and needing direction but wanting to stand alone in this brave and honorable task.

Connor bore his testimony for the first time, he was so excited to do so.  He thanked Father that families can be together...

Daddy bore his testimony, and I am certain you heard every word from his humble father's voice.

Towards the end, the spirit stirred my soul, and I bore my testimony as well.

We love you sweet, encouraging, and perfect son.

Today I spoke of understanding true and sweet joy through understanding deep and dark sorrow...

The feeling of sickness, and the relief of a whole and healthy body.

The pain of a 20 mile run, and then the accomplishment of a deep painless breath with a drink of water.

The excruciating challenge of enduring 5 pregnancies with sickness plaguing my body EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! And the instant end to that sickness as soon as the baby is delivered.

The painful screams and tears of death as you came into existence, and the overwhelming tears of awe as we looked deep into each others eye, and I exclaimed, "My baby, I love you!"

And again, the near death pain of your timed death...the pain of holding your cold body...

But then the joy I will have to feel warmth radiate through your veins, color grace your body, and that contagious smile radiate it's glow into every cell of my body as I exclaim, "My son," and you laugh, as if to say, "My Mother"!

We attempted to take a family pic... 

and failed.... 

Bit we all became good sports and took pics however we could!!! 

And, as our tradition continues, our Christmas baby, we decorated the house for one of the most treasured holidays of the year!

 We sang Happy Birthday...commemorating six years that your spirit has truly graced our family!

And I wore the t-shirt your Grandma Mimi bought me when you were born...yes, indeed, I LOVE MY BOYS!!!!