Walking With Angels

I was recently given a blessing from a priesthood holder in the church; it was the Stake President here in Los Lunas, NM. It was powerful; the words he used and the voice which came through his mouth was beautiful, more powerful and gentle, simultaneously, than I have ever felt or heard before. Perhaps it was this way because the Lord was reaching out to me and allowing me to feel His Hand in my life at a time when I need it most.

We have experienced one string of "bad luck" after another in the course of our days. Steve recently lost another job, we are again living off of one income--a small one at that--and as though that wasn't enough, we need to move out of this house we currently reside in by mid August. I am so very grateful I have a job, but one can imagine the weight I feel on my shoulders as I try to contemplate how to sustain a family off of my small wage--as well as the weight on Steve's shoulders as he strives to battle the uncertainty of our future, the reality of being a stay at home Dad (again), and the sorrow over lost dreams. He loved working with the babies in the NICU...it is a very special role to fill in the hospital. I recently heard him express the sadness he is now feeling over our lost Indiana dreams...only 20 months ago...our shortened Louisiana dreams...only 12 months ago...and now our staggering New Mexico dreams.

The good thing about dreams is that they can continue...

So long as we allow our minds, and more importantly our hearts, to grasp a small thread in their making.

I went to work on Saturday night. My heart was heavy; I know a heavy heart all too well.

I accomplished my tasks--comforted my sweet little intubated baby through modern conveniences such as sedation drips, and then through the good old classic technique of cuddling, stroking, and humming soft little tunes to her. I can be caught in a child's room singing gentle lullaby's and sweet innocent tunes more often than I can count; I do not feel ashamed or embarrassed like I am in public, amongst adults, when I sing to these babes. After I spent a good amount of time talking with this child's parents, I turned and saw this arrangement sitting on the counter top.

To an ordinary person, this arrangement means nothing, but to me it means so very much.

I walked out of my patients room and found the arrangements lined up along the counter tops at the nurses station as well. I felt a surge of peace and joy sweep through me.

My sister, Sara, has always been so perceptive of our needs surrounding the anniversaries of our Baby Shane's birth and death. She sends some of the most beautiful flower arrangements for us every year as she, 2000 miles away, rejoices in the choice son we have been given and mourns over the reminder of loss we suffer. In 2009, we celebrated the anniversary of Shane's birth in December. We were living in a beautiful little town home and had just felt the blast of adversity in our life just months after making our move to Evansville Indiana--Steve was without a job, and I was pregnant, sick as ever, and working full time for our family. December 2nd came and we received this very arrangement, to remember our child.

This past weekend, as I walked the halls of the hospital, I remembered the Stake President's blessing which I received only a few weeks ago. My heavy heart was comforted in his words, as he spoke with the power of God, calling down my child to be a ministering angel to me at this time in my life. To those with ears to hear--I was walking with a ministering angel that night, and I felt him so very close to me. The flowers were simply a token of his presence.