This is my beautiful twin sister--a woman who has loved me through thick and thin, sorrow and joy, and sickness and health. I feel that we are one in thought, experience, and sorrow. I have seen more beauty and pain surround her in the last nine months of our lives--and I totally feel that it is quite unfair. Why would she be called to suffer so intensely when this is my battle to walk? Yet, we are twins--two individuals that came from one fertilized egg which miraculously split into two identical and beautiful people who have an unspoken bond of loyalty that we can't put into words for anyone.
Here is out little boogie, sporting his shorts on his head, per Lydia's request....
I must add, Boogie loved it even more than I thought he would! This little one has such similar characteristics to all of his brothers! When he is giving us a serious face, with much intention mind you, he bears a resemblance to Connor. It is hilarious to see us being goofy and trying to get a grin out of him while he stares at us with eyes that seem to look straight through us, tries with all his might to withhold a smile, then turns his face away as he looks to be rolling his eyes, but instead he gives a long and intentional blink. I can almost hear him saying, "You think you're funny, HA, if you only knew how dorky you are!"
He does the same little sniffle breathing through a wrinkled nose that Aiden did when he was a wee one. When Gavin is focusing on getting something, or has been influenced by us to start the breathing game, his nose wrinkles up, his eyes squint, his closed mouth puckers just slightly and he breathes loudly and quickly through his nose; it's the ongoing joke in our family, to watch, hear, and play along with his monkey like expressions!
Gavin came out looking a lot like Shane, and the love he has towards Steve and me is so close, yet expressed differently to the love Shane has towards us. He adores being with Daddy, and now, as I'm recovering a bit and having more energy to be a huge part of his life still, he has loved me unconditionally. On Sunday morning, I woke with him at 5:15 am. I was shocked that he wouldn't go back to sleep, but instead of acting angry or annoyed, I smiled at him and we quietly made our way to a sleep like living room. After 2 hours of play and breakfast, he came to me as I laid on the living room couch crashing. He fussed a bit and then put his head onto my breast as we laid together and immediately fell into a tender and deep sleep. Oh, it felt like heaven--I will never forget my baby falling onto my body and sleeping with me in an instant for several hours. THAT, my dearest friends, is the fruit which comes from loving your children and raising them in faith and charity.
These are my very tired mama eyes when Gavin attempts to wake me and I attempt to get him back to sleep, even if it beside me. I always end up struggling to keep him on the bed as he crawls from one place to the next. My attempts for sleep tend to fail, but my bond with him always grows--mama's, remember this wisdom; what you do today will exponentially become what you will have as your children face real life. I desire honesty, faith, hope, lots of love, time spent together, laughing, forgiveness, and communication to be had between me and the kids....and that is why I give them all of the above every day.
Today (Saturday, August 5th, 2017), Lydia was on cloud nine as she was allowed to carry Gavin to the room after his bath. Gavin will still lay in the cradle position after his bath, and today was no different than the rest. Lydia began to sway as she held him, reluctant to give him up. She then stated, "I love this! This is the most precious thing in the world! I don't want to put him down!" I let her sway with him a bit longer and then after he was lathered in lotion, about ready to get his pajamas and diaper on, Lydia stated, "Mom, can I hold him real quick one more time?" I responded, "Of course!" and then watched her cradle a naked little boy in her arms! She stated that, "This is the best!" My heart was about to burst with love towards her, and the beautiful mother I told her she will one day be! She glowed with a smile of honor, and her rosy, flattered cheeks spoke all the happiness a young girl can have! Lydia taught Gavin to drink from a straw this week after Daddy sought to teach him these abilities for weeks lately! The joys these girls have with a baby in the home gives me the greatest sense of gratitude that he came to us so late in my child bearing years--for me at least. Last night (Sunday, August 6th), Lydia stated that she had a dream that I had another baby while Gavin was still little. She said it was the best thing to watch--Gavin having a little friend and us having a new child in the home. Gosh, I cannot say how much it gave me the desire to push all the cancer treatments aside to see if I regain my fertility and can have another baby. Yet, my cancer is driven by my sex hormones, and it may mean death for me if we even attempted that route. :-(
Watching these girls take on the motherly characteristics of embracing a baby is one of the most beautiful relationships I have ever seen. I have watched brothers love little siblings, and as they have gotten' older it is still absolutely charming, but girls give you a brand new perspective of their innate ability to love and nourish human beings. Maya, the little mother which she is, has so much hope that Gavin will daily allow her to hold him and love him like a sweet infant. His busy days prevent the close cuddling, but she plays along by giving him shoulder rides and spinning him around--activities that make my heart race yet place a smile on my face!
As a break to this cancer story I am bound to continue, it was good to focus on these lovely memories over the last little while. I love my dear family so much!
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