This tiny angel turned 17 weeks today. I was rushed off to work...my nursing job. It was all too reminiscent of the little 17 week old--to the day--baby I left as I was rushed off to a nursing exam 3.5 years ago. I spent a few extra minutes cuddling her this morning, taking a few pictures of her happy morning glow, because you never know when that glow will go away for the period of this life. She is perfect in ever way...my Maya Ruth brings me exquisite joy! I do miss my Shane so very much...I can't believe I only had him for 17 weeks, but it was 17 weeks worth of bonding and loving...every minute was full of unconditional love and light that gives me hope for my eternal family. I said goodbye to him one last time as I left the house that morning, I kissed his beautiful cheek as he drifted to sleep after his last feeding, and I told him in a gently whisper, "You are so beautiful...I love you so much". The Lord had prepared us for his loss, unknown to me at the time; then, as I left for just a few short hours (of the few short hours I had ever left his side through his life) the Lord took him quietly.
Today I returned home to my little angel...full of life and happiness. She enjoyed her feeding as soon as I walked into the door and drifted off into a deep sleep...so peaceful and beautiful. I held her, enjoying her lovely little life. Then she woke...a wide eyed grin greeted me, her Mommy. One day I will kneel beside my Baby Shane and he will wake with a wide eyed toothless grin...for me and my boy--his Mommy and Daddy.
We love you little Maya Ruth!
These girls spent all day with Aunt Sunny. Apparently she was able to get them to smile by saying, "Smile for Mommy!" They smiled at her phone...for me! Aren't they simply gorgeous?!
4 comments:
oh Crystal.. i love you. i'm so sorry for your pain, but i admire your testimony and faith. I hope I can continue to be as strong as you as the years pass. It's comforting to know you are still as close to Shane as you ever were. And I, too, can't wait until Shane and Ty wake up with their "wide eyed grins". That created such a real visual for me... They are just so beautiful at that age, huh? Until then...
Thank you for sharing your last day with Shane with all of us. It makes us cherish our little ones knowing that our time with them can be counted in minutes,days,weeks and months. I struggle to cherish them when they are little babes. The sleep deprivation and demands of another child makes this "non-multi-tasking mother" struggle to cherish her kids. I am learning and learning from you to slow down and enjoy kids being kids. Even if it is hard sometimes or they are acting bonkers. Kids need to be kids as long as they can. Who knows when they will be called home.
Crys, Little Maya is absolutely beautiful and I cherish the time I am able to spend with her. You have 5 amazing and beautiful children and I know that one of them is constantly smiling down on you because of the amazing mother that you are. I'm sure Shane let Maya know how lucky she was to be sent to you, I can see it in her eyes each time she sees you and smiles her "mommy smile". I love you!
Your words are inspiring...thanks for helping me to appreciate motherhood just that much more today-your strength is a blessing in my life---if that can even make sense!! Keep smiling Crystal! Love you girl!
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