Family Ties

I didn't grow up around my father.  I longed to, but circumstance and misfortune with those trials life throws your way (the ones you learn about when you are older) tend to get in the way of our plans, and theirs!  

I still never forgot the good things I had with him...listening to him strum the guitar and belt out country tunes, tickle time (which left me gasping for air, which I later hated because of gasping for air), and learning to fold socks. 

There was a time in life I started to resent not having him there until my adult years. Then one day, I heard a talk from a leader in my church.  Though I don't remember a word he said, what I took away from it was this:  how much harder was it for a father to not watch his children grow than for a child to grow naively through life with an innocent protective bliss?  How much more heart wrenching is it for him to not see the phases, stages, changes, and the beauty of becoming an independent smart mind....his daughter, becoming such....

I saw this picture of my Dad tonight.  He was about 9 here, and this is my son to the left.   I always felt, from my son's  birth, that he resembled my Dad.  I never knew how intricate that was until today.  I actually cried when I placed the pictures side by side.  

Then the scripture passage about the hearts of the children turning to their fathers, and the fathers turning to their children came to mind.  

My love for my Dad, which always remained over the lost years, grew to a different level and understanding tonight. I love him like I love my son.  What greater love is there than the love for our children?   But guess what...?  We really can, true blue, feel that magnitude of love for our parents and friends!   What a beautiful gift my son and my Dad are to me.  I can be instrumental in sealing that family tie so that we can all be bound and never again left to cry alone for a parent, or for a child.  The Savior heals those wounds, and He does as soon as you allow His tender truth into your heart.  

Know Your Path, Know Who You Are!

I have a beautiful sister who provides me with extraordinary journals every year, usually on the anniversary of my son's birthday (the one who would have been eight this December).  

I've begun a journey...well, I'm continuing a journey.  It is a journey we all take, at one time or another.  I was blessed by gifts from God at a very early  age to begin seeking why I felt important and valued--cherished beyond measure, and reserved for greatness.  

Don't get too hasty in the zealous sound of that statement, because we ALL are destined for greatness. However, the outcome is a result  of millions of little  choices we make, day by day.  

I am full of imperfection, but I know the feeling of my inherit nature when I experience things which my spirit recognizes.  I feel it when I sing hymns with friends and congregations.  It comes out when I write stories with metaphorical and symbolical content....all which point to life and is beauties, battles, struggles, and epiphanies.  I feel it when I'm reaching out to a friend in love and compassion, to comfort their aching heart.  It is there when I create a beautiful quilt from scraps, and especially when the last stitch is placed, it is washed, and handed to its owner.   I especially  feel it when I am with child; I am amazed at how pregnancy can be so hard physically with the never ending sickness and physiological changes, yet feel so complete, so perfect ,  and so whole.  I feel it in the depths of labor pain, when a child is about to begin its mortal journey, and I stand as a vessel between God and man.  That is when I feel it at its strongest.  I feel my divinity when I lose...when I lose my pride, and when I lose my loved ones.  

I felt it in my darkest hour, when my child was brought back to God because of his precious, innocent, and perfect spirit--though the nights were full of endless tears, I felt it when I realized he had escaped this envious world. I lost, but I gained treasures that my mouth can't adequately express. The words I need for the feelings of love and gratitude I have for being given such a gift do not exist....it is a feeling far greater than the image of kingdoms, riches, and powers.  

I feel it when he's near, between this world and the next --when he comes in memory, thought, symbol, or dream.  

 

It is not enough to merely feel it, however. I must act worthy of it and remember it.  When life hands me lemons, which I ironically love above all fruit,  so we will call it....grapefruit --when life gives me grape fruit, and the taste is bitter, I will crave that sweet fruit which brings joy and peace. It is then that I will need to recall my divinity....and it will be written here, by my own hand and through my personal experiences.