Tender Realities

It's funny,  when you face life's realities,  you start to see people in a different light. I guess it all depends on who you are ultimately,  and what drives you to love people.

I've seen people drawn to others for mere attraction. While I think that is innate,  an instinct we all have,  I also believe that if it's the only source of connection,  that relationship is doomed to fail.

Fortunately,  those whom we are attracted to are usually those who we find mutual interests with--be it as little as your drive for finding the funniest movie to make you smile at days end,  to something as great as seeing God in all things.

I'm also learning that sometimes we are moved to love people because we understand their sufferings,  their griefs,  their sorrows. There are pros and cons here as well. While WE love those people and are truly suffering with them in grief,  they must make us a part of their life by accepting the empathy we offer....or not. The great part of the plan that allows us to have deep lasting relationships,  or to have self satisfying ones,  moved by our needs alone,  depends on our choice to mutually accept someone as a friend and offer ourselves to their needs as well, or, like I said....not. 

In attempting to love,  there are times when that mutual understanding of love,  is,  well,  not mutual. There are relationships worth fighting for to the end of your life to attain that beautiful possibility,  and then there are relationships that simply need to pass,  like the winds that strip the fragile feathers from a dandelion. Just one gust,  one choice,  one strong and courageous move,  and the pain of not being mutually loved, cared for,  and most importantly,  accepted,  can be gone.

If only the heart was as easy to strip of pain as dandelions are of their delicate feathers.

Funny Fatigue

I have to laugh at the exhaustion we face daily.  I was dozing off in the car all afternoon after having spent most of my night finishing nursing competencies. Though my boy said I was sleeping,  I recall answering every question,  responding to each child's complaints,  listening and communicating about Glenn Beck, and telling every single person in the car,  "I'm actually trying to get some rest!"

After getting settled at home tonight,  my husband walked in on me laying,  half asleep,  in bed. He laughed,  plopped down,  and called us old!!

I let him know I would gladly fall asleep to a TV show,  but I'm not going to stay up all night!  In his goofy fatigue,  he started trelling me about his restless legs, claiming I don't really know what they feel like. While we both laughed,  I said,  "Don't you dare tell me I don't know what they feel like!  I spent 5 pregnancies with them,  accompanied by pinched nerves,  cramped calves,  blood circulation being cut off from big babies,  nausea.... every single day.... and then natural birth!" (Never mind the lifetime mothering part I'm doing now!)

He giggled,  half asleep,  and said,  "You were healed.... Why did you do that?"

He was obviously half way between sleep and life,  so I played along, stating  "I did it for God!!  I brought God's children to the earth!"

I then woke him asking if he was gonna put the boys to bed. I have been stuck putting kids to bed for almost a month with very little help. He's been working hard, and I just wanted some help!  He immediately said,  "Yes,  I'll do that and you can get things ready for Captain No Name!"

"What???" I squealed,  "Who's Captain No Name???  I sure as heck am not making a meal or anything tonight!"

He woke in laughter asking what HE was talking about,  and then we both laughed until I kicked him out of the room to put the boys to bed.

Moments later,  after I realized he wasn't going to be successful at putting the children to bed,  because "I guess you can put yourself to bed" doesn't quite work with 8 and10 year old boys, I took over; then I returned to the bedroom and asked if I should turn the lights out. He responded with, "I thought the showers were done,  I don't know what you were doing with the stickers.... I'm not sure what to do about the sheets!"

Needles to say,  I had to wake him  before he drifted into a deep sleep to make him giggle with me over "showers,  stickers,  and sheets", all of which made no sense to either of us.

I've always feared the words that  escaped my mouth in my extreme exhaustion. Most of mine made sense to a health care mind,  "Go call for help,  start compressions, heat rate dropped to 40, etc." while jumping off the couch or outta bed. My children and hubby would laugh in confusion. Now,  those night shift dilemmas are plaguing my boy.  I guess I can rightfully claim that we best understand one another by experiencing like scenarios. I believe we've experienced many like days, and I'm so grateful we can laugh about it!

Goodnight tired Daddy. Your funny words of nothing gave me too much silly life as I try to fall asleep beside you!  I love you.

By the way,  Maya has recently requested that her hair be styled this way,  and she has self proclaimed it as "helmet hair!"

Love is in the air!

I adore my children,  and in that statement, a lot can be implied.

I love them to the depths of doing anything for them and their welfare--I'm not gonna lie,  homeschool is hard!!! 

I love them enough to put my needs aside to care for them,  every single day--and when you're suffering from an autoimmune disease that really drains the life out of you, there is a lot of mind over matter that you begin to practice.  Lab values,  and most importantly,  the symptoms,  seem to be worsening for the time being.  It is a process to find the triggers to which the body responds that provoke attacks against itself. 

I love them enough to say NO--parents,  this is the best way to raise right minded and respectable children. Say no to too much tv, no to tons of video games,  no to the endless begging for treats,  but YES to quality time activities, good books, and acts of kindness.

I love them enough to say,  "sometimes,  I need to get away and take care of me in order to better care for you."  I'm not going to lie,  I am not too good at this. It wasn't until recently that I agreed with my husband when he said that I should get out a few times every month,  alone, to feel a recharge.  As mothers,  the salvation of so many souls is in our creative and loving hands. We should love ourselves enough to take the time,  small amounts of money, and energy to commune with the true source of our strength,  God. That time may be spent exercising,  reading alone for half a day, sleeping,  going to the temple,  etc. Regardless,  it should leave you with a sense of power and increased love that only you can give to your little flock.  Service and love for mankind is amazing,  and so are you. You serve those around you every day,  don't forget the Beautiful You that needs to cast aside the worries of daily life once and awhile. I wish I was a better example of this advice,  but I'm a pretty good learner of truth.... and this is so very true.

In homeschool this week we were super busy with many lessons and activities!  Then,  at weeks end,  my little sister took all the cousins and forced the parents to go on dates.   It's been a year since I've been out with Steve alone. It was wonderful. The children had a Valentines party and we saw "Winter's Tale".  Be prepared for tears,  symbolic principles of love and purpose,  the great battle we fight daily between good and evil, the divine purpose of life,  and some sweet fun humor.  I couldn't have asked for a better Valentines date.

I was pleased when we came home for the children. My sister stood with me and expressed the detailed character traits she cued in on with each and every child. She was so attentive to them!  To Connor's calculated duck face limbo moves with his awkward lanky limbs, to Aiden's furrowed brow as he focused on getting his body under the bar. Then she spoke of Lydia's expressions of doubt regarding her ability to attempt a limbo--though she attempted and succeeded just fine,  to Maya's ability not only to do the limbo but to roll her body out of a back bend every so "dance like"!  That focused attention is what makes a person so child friendly,  what a gift!  I felt incredibly blessed and recharged after a day with my husband.  At days end,  there were tears over not being able to play video games at home on a Saturday; time simply didn't allow for it to be. My ability to say no made me feel quite capable of the lofty task of raising children in a hard world. Now that's true love; one day they will thank me!