Twins at 33

I know if this little gal were beside me right now she would listen to the pain that I express and then quite simply say, "YOU ARE AMAZING," and following it up with how we are on our journeys to God and understanding, and coming to know where we stand (over worrying about where others stand) is critical.  She'd go on long stories of my strength that she has seen in life.

She related a few today actually:

"I looked at pictures from Shane's funeral with Mom yesterday.  You dressed in white--you were so broken but so strong and that's because of your faith and sealing to the Lord who carries you."

I have been given a twin sister who, for 33 years now, understands me to the core.  I love her, I have more patience for her over myself.

I have a priceless gift in her, as I do in my entire family.

I am indeed a blessed woman.

I will not lie...I was down on my Birthday.  Life brings it's load of problems and drops them on your front door unexpectedly.  It is unlike the stork call, that was always a joyous drop!  The truth is, we all have to experience life, we all have to experience pain, grief and sorrow.  On the other hand, we all have an ability to see and feel life and joy. Happy Birthday Beautiful Sister.  Not too long ago we were tiny babes without a care in the world...now we are grown babes with all the cares of the world, but we have a source for sweet relief as well.  I love you!

To Twin B--Sara Dionne
From Twin A--Crystal Marie

Did you know, Sara, that Mom named us after she and Kristi? Shelly and Kristi, sisters.

Understanding Truth

I stood in my bathroom this evening after signing my heart away with my little girls (4 and 3).  We used combs and brushes as our microphones and sang "Down to the River" and "Highway Don't Care"--all suggestions from my talented Miss Lydia.  Between verses, we all switched microphones and danced around with giggles of pure joy escaping the lips of my charming little ladies.



Lydia has been expressing confusion lately over her older...little...brother who died before she was born.  I truly thought she understood until we started going through the lists of family Birthdays coming up.  She knows my Birthday is this week, and in her excitement, she has started to countdown to her Birthday, in January.  I went through the Birthday countdown... "First me, then Baby Shane, then Daddy, and finally it will be YOU!!!"  She recited it back to me, skipping Baby Shane.  I was confused, but allowed her to speak according to her comprehension.



After we finished our singing, Lydia spontaneously mentioned Shane again.  I decided to be very simple and clear: "Lydia, before you were born, your brother Shane died."  For the first time, her carefree concept of her Baby Shane became tainted with sadness; her eyes swelled with tears, her breathing rapidly escaped her tiny lips, and she said, "Mommy, I never got to hold him.  He never got to see me."  The tears poured down her face as she lamented the realization I have tried to paint upon her little mind for 4 years now.  I wonder if it is the age she is that makes this concept real now, because Connor was almost 4 when we lost Shane, and he understood what was happening from the day is occured.  I also wonder if her desire to have another baby in the family is making this truth harder to grasp...she has been asking relentlessly if Heavenly Father will allow another baby to come into our family. She said, "Well there are 2 Baby Shanes right?" (she is so accustomed to me speaking of Baby Shane and how he lives, so the concept of him and his death has caused her to believe that there MUST be two Shanes).  I let her know that the picture of Baby Shane that we have hanging on our walls is the only Baby Shane there is....his body died and his spirit is with Heavenly Father and Jesus now.  When he was alive his spirit and his body were together...it's what made him move, laugh, cry, and smile.  It took many attempts to relate the concept to her, but upon finding a degree of understanding, she said, "When can  I see Baby Shane?"  My standard answer came..."When Jesus allows us to see him, or when Jesus comes again."  She then sorrowed over Jesus and wanting His presence with her again, because she misses him too.  After many repeats of the story, Lydia expressed her desire to NEVER have Baby Shane leave us again once Jesus brings him back to us....and the tears poured harder.  I let her know of the great truths that allows these hard questions and concerns to be bearable...and in great faith, I told her that "he will NEVER leave us again, you will hold him, love him, give him bottles and play with him."  She started dreaming up the place we will live...she let me know it will be big enough for all of the people she loves that she wants to be with forever....her cousins, Emma, Ashley, Hannah and Eden...she spoke of her Baby Shane and then Jesus as well.  After naming off family members she announced that she would like the entire city of people we live with to come and live in that home as well.  Interestingly enough, she made a tangent back to Shane's mortal life and asked if he died in our home...which he did.  I'm not sure how she knew that, but she did.



There is so much truth that comes from the mouths of our little babes...their desires for love, eternal life, and eternal families are so basic and true to the principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  There is a great bond that links someone we have never seen, to us in such deep and intimate ways.  I am grateful that at 4 years old, my little Miss Lydia is learning the deep nature of family.  She is perfect!  She requested that we hang a picture of her brother Shane with her picture of Jesus in her room tonight so that she always has them close to her.  And we did...

Success..one step at a time!

I love being a Mother.

I love being a Teacher. 

I love being a Den Mother. 

I just love being a Woman!!!

Tonight was my first night as a Den Mother!  The boys worked hard all summer long, listening to my lectures, demonstrating first aide--rescue breathing, the Heimlich Maneuver, learning how to treat blisters and snake and spider bites. They typed out letters on the computer, created portfolios for their art, studied their coin collections, learned the basics of leading music, learned how to rescue in swimming, treaded water for 30 seconds, swam so many laps, braved out the diving challenge, and SO MUCH MORE!  We didn't have the money for a vacation, but we did do what we could...we went to our den meetings and worked our butts off at home!  Connor can now recite the Cubs Scout oath and motto as well as the Boy Scout oath and motto, right along side me!  Aiden has dived into his wolf rank and is halfway done with completing his wolf badge!  I am so proud these boys live up to the motto "DO YOUR BEST!"  Soon, after three years as a cub, my Connor will start saying "BE PREPARED!"  Actually, as a Webelo he already is...walking towards Boy Scouts is a big deal!

Both boys checked out books 1 and 2 from the library today...

Oh yes, books 1 and 2 of Harry Potter. 

By the way, Aiden's church friends were calling him Harry Potter on Sunday, and the cub leaders tonight were wondering if his name should be changed on his award cards!

And there is a tired Mommy!

Today was busy. 

Family visits--GrandMaria and Grandpa Roy came at 11am, Aunt Sunny and the kiddos (minus the oldest who's now in school) showed up at 11:10, the door bell rings at 11:20 with treats and books to dive into for gluten free cooking, the door bell rings again at 11:30....it is...a police officer, checking on the kids I homeschool. Apparently the state automatically enrolled children into the next grade level, which I was unaware of, and I was breaking the law by having my kiddos out of school for 10 days. 

I announce to the entire household at 11:35, "now you all are aware of my life issues!"  We laugh, and carry on. 

Last visitor was gone by 12:45, then off to library hour with sisters and cousins at 1pm. 

Library hour turned out to be nonexistent until next week!  

Read to kiddos, got a library card, checked out Harry Potter books and headed to Sonic. 

Got drinks, and headed to the school. 

Dis-enrolled children.

 

Home by 2:32, baked cookies for 2.5 hours. 

Chores until 5:30 and off to pack meeting. 

Pack meeting finished by 7:45...home by 8:15. 

Everyone down and out by, well, I'm still awake!

I was never once told that my shirt was buttoned wrong this evening. Yes, I stood amongst 30 plus parents and kids for the awards ceremony, but I was a clown amongst them all!  

Oh the joys that keep us young!

Harry Potter...this is NOT mental, the IS FUN!!!

Having the kids home when the entire neighborhood has started school has been wonderful.  We haven't started our curriculum, because the curriculum has not come yet...but once it does (tomorrow) we will be starting a great and fun adventure.  I already have a good 30 books on my "pending purchase" list just for this year alone--these are books that will honor all our topics and give meaning the the History, Geography, Art, and even Science and Music we will study this year...and they are novels that will be mostly read aloud family books.  It is recommended in the curriculum that we read aloud for 15 minutes a day...it will be more with us.  The boys will do their personal reading as well.  I am so excited, and I know they are too!



My dear Aiden is very much attached to his stage name, Harry Potter.  After Daddy dyed his hair, I went on a mad hunt for Potter Glasses.  I was walking through Wal Mart and glanced at the clearance and cheap $5 frames.  Suddenly I was approaching the optometrists, asking if I could purchase the glasses with clear lenses for my child.  Here is our conversation:

Mommy Potter: Um, is there any way I can purchase these frames with clear lenses?
Optometrist:  Well, yes, but the lenses alone will still cost you $29 (may have been $39, don't recall)
Mommy Potter: (Heart sunk, but smile very clear and and cheerful) Oh darn, my son wants to be Harry Potter, and these ones are just perfect!

Meanwhile, Harry Potter is standing beside me with a smile bright as day.  He was caught off guard by my enthusiasm and desire to achieve HIS goals!

Optometrist: Usually, if they are prop glasses that the children would like, we....

Mommy Potter is fully expecting the nice Optometrist to say, "...tell the parents to hit the road..and go to the costumes store!"  But I digress, the Optometrist hadn't finished her statement before Mommy Potter began to hang her head...

Optometrist:  ...tell them we can sell the demo glasses and charge for the frames only.  The only problem is that you still have the words "demo only" on the glasses, but you are spending $5 instead of $40.  We even try to get those words off as well by soaking them in a solution.

Mommy Potter:  (full of excitement and pure happiness FOR my child's happiness)  Well, can we do that?  Will you try to remove the words for me?"

Optometrist:  (approaches with a sweet grin...her eye is on Potter, but she walks in Mommy Potter's direction)  Yep, I support any one's desire to be Harry Potter!

Moments later, the Optometrist returns with fresh, clean, and word free glasses, she approaches the newly named Potter and officially grants his acceptance into the world of wizards and magic by stating...

Optometrist: Harry Potter, your specs are ready!  (she places them perfectly on his little face with freshly dyed dark brown hair.

Oh my dear Harry, the note on your bed which reads, "Harry's Bed", is a good reminder to me of your new name, thank you for the lovely reminder.  You are becoming acquainted with the British language quickly as well; when Connor slammed the bathroom door today, you looked at it and said, "That was mental!"  Oh, the fun in a little British humor...you truly do bring life and light into our home Aiden...oh darn, I mean Harry!



I am so proud of Connor.  We have been on a routine of chores and duties which earn them beads, placed into a jar, which will earn them money once the jar is full.  These jars are small, but the children have been working for 2 weeks and the jars aren't even half full.  I am worried that my $1 reward for a full jar will be too little for all their hard work.  For the boys, I may have to increase their allowance to increase their determination to continue working hard.  My objective is to teach many virtues at once.

1. Hard work is necessary to get through life.  Period.  You need to work for food, shelter, clothing, and play.  It is a MUST!

2. Being a part of a family requires work as well.  We ALL pull the load.  There are some chores which DO NOT earn them a bead.  They are responsible for folding all of their laundry every week, and they do not get more than words of praise and encouragement in return.  They are okay with that, and they should be!

3. When you earn money, you give the Lord 10%, you save for a worthy goal, and then you can spend some for yourself or another.

4. You save until you have enough for what you want....patience, endurance, and the ability to set goals are critical if you want to make it through life successfully!

5. Mommy and Daddy love you and want every ounce of joy you can have in life.  That is why we are making you work, setting standards to your use of money, and asking that you buy toys with your earnings through the year...we will give you toys on Christmas and your Birthday, that is it....and that is okay!

Connor has already placed money into his mission savings bank, has set aside tithing, and today used the fun money to purchase a toy he waited a good while for.  I am so proud of him.

Miss Lydia is a princess.  I adore these images of her, the tallest 4 year old I know, holding a bear! Most people think she's 6 right now...she is a beautiful 4 year old princess who just wants to love and be loved.  In the last 2 nights, she has requested to sleep with her brothers in their room.  They have kindly allowed her to do so.  Tonight she slept at the foot of Aiden's bed....she really looks up to them.  Connor has told her that for now, she can spend 2 nights a week in their room, on the floor or at Aiden's feet...but Saturdays and Sundays are days she cannot choose from!  Her enthusiasm for the offer was only made known when I reacted in thrill FOR her and the blessing she was receiving from her brothers.  Her face of confusion turned to a wide eyed surprise smile when I reacted with that very expression just a spilt second before her facial outburst!  She wants to be big, she wants to find a best friend in her brothers, and I believe they are forming a deep bond week by week!  She wants the boys to teach her in home school...not Mommy...her brothers!

Maya...oh Maya how I love thee and want to be like thee too!

Today, after I dragged myself out of bed and made her oatmeal, at her sweet request, she asked for water.  I was eating cereal when I said, "okay, okay...just a minute!!!"  I was short in tone, and short with words so that I didn't cause harm to delicate feelings.  She sat with a smile of content upon her fact and said, "Thank you for everything you do Mommy!"  My heart went from it's casual monotonous tone to leaping joy in a second.  She KNOWS how to love people!

This afternoon, we all sat down to enjoy a movie together.  She wandered around the house, then came and sat beside me as I was reading.  Soon enough, she climbed to my lap and said, "Mommy, I like your Mommy book; can I read your Mommy book?"  I let her little hands flip through a 400 plus page self help book that is all about allowing our children to just be who they are, instead of conforming them to who we are.  How intimately connected her hands on lesson was to the book I am learning from!

All in all...I just LOVE motherhood.  I love all the ways it creates a better person out of me.  I love that it is hard, and in being hard, it is a worthy and sought for calling.  I love that my children are better than me in so many ways, because it gives me something to be more like...a tangible subject that I can kiss, tickle, hug, and snuggle.  Believe me, the oldest ones long for that snuggle time even more that the babes some days...I need to give them more of it as well.

I love them...and I love me with them.

The end.

Honored to be their Mommy!

I have been asked to teach a lesson on forgiveness and how we are forgiven for a Stake RS Conference in September...

I have also been called as the new Den Mother in cub scouts, and being very particular about organization, I am setting myself up to a standard of organizing and preparing for our meeting and achievements in detail so that I can guide these boys in the best ways I can...

I have ALSO taken on the responsibility of homeschooling my children and am spending late hours finding free resources, gauging where to start with the boys in math, and preparing for library visits/paperback purchases of books (over 30 for the school year to be exact) so that we can involve novel reading in great detail in our curriculum.

Life is very busy!!!

Yet, I would be saddened if I did not document all of these amazing memories of my children!

Mr. Aiden Obadiah Fultz has recently requested that I change his name to Harry Potter.  As of yesterday, he asked if I would dye his hair for him!  I was shocked, spoke with Daddy, and Daddy was all for Aiden being...Aiden, oops, I mean Harry!  Daddy said that this is of little consequence, and we need the boys to understand that we are willing to let them be themselves when it does no harm to them of us!  Today, and it will be pictures in a latter post, Aiden received dark brown hair, and is anxiously awaiting his spectacles!  He is a doll!

Last week, however, he was a bit angry.  His brother turned 10 in August, and Mimi wanted to take the kids and me to see Smurfs 2.  Afterwards, we went to WalMart so Connor could pick out his Birthday present.  Connor was was wise, gaining the most gift out of his budgeted maximum allowance.  Aiden asked, over and over again, "Can I have this? Can I have that?"  In the end, he kicked a box, his eyes scowled and poured tears, as he screamed, "It's not fair!"  I was told I am the meanest Mom in the world...and I just wanted to hug him and tell him I love him, I innately allowed him to throw his fit.  He did, no one gave, in, and he walked out to the car with Mimi upon exiting the store.  I walked a good 5 feet ahead with the other 3 children, turning on occasion to see Aiden scowling as Mimi spoke.  I took the opportunity to encourage Aiden to read scriptures with me later that evening, to gain his "bead in the jar" award for his good behaviors.  We sat together and read from Enos, talking about how he wrestled with the Lord.  Aiden understood that wrestling meant, he repented.  After talking and reading, Aiden looked at me and said, "Mom, when we left WalMart, I walked with Mimi and she talked with me.  I didn't say anything because I was mad about the present.  When we got in the car, I said 'I'm sorry' in my mind because I know that I can save to get what I want, and this was for Connor's Birthday!"  As he spoke, his eyes swelled with tears, the became red, and I felt emotion sweep through his my body, I felt the Spirit.  He pointed at his sparkling eyes, and said, "These are tears of happiness!"  I cried, hugged him tight, and said, "Heavenly Father is allowing you to feel the Spirit so that you understand that what you are doing, and the decision you have made is the correct decision!  I am so happy for you Aiden!"  He was full of happiness and peace!

His other half, his best friend, is indeed Connor.  They dressed in green, as Ninja Turtles, one day and had a battle.  They were fighting and Daddy shouted out that someone needs to surrender.  Aiden said, "You have to do the Chicken Dance to surrender!"  I listened on and was giggling so hard...these boys are great for a smile, a laugh, or both!!!

Connor has always stricken me as a young boy who is willing and capable of so much goodness, in spite of a crowd that acts contrary to goodness.  After church on Sunday, Beautiful Connor took me by the hand as I exited the RS room.  My boys always pick up their little sisters and come to greet me at my classroom...every...single....Sunday!  When I saw my children, I instinctively hugged them and gathered the pictures they created.  The three younger children ran ahead while Connor walked a slow steady pace with me.  Our hands were clenched tight as he started to tell me all about his class, "Mom, when I was in class, the teacher asked a boy what he will be doing 10 years from now.  The boy told her that he would be programming new video games for kids.  I wish she would have asked me because I woulda' told her that I will be coming home from my mission!"  My heart fluttered, and my arms wrapped around him as I exclaimed my gratitude to him fro his righteous desires.  He emphasized that he will go when he 18, and 2 years later he will be 20, and coming home In the summer, after his July Birthday!

Connor has always had a sensitive bone in his body as well.  It is adorable to see how quickly he can give love, but it is heart wrenching to see how fast he can feel pain as well.  He and his brother got into a verbal bashing today.  I separated the two of them, punished with removing an activity that they earn based on rewards and behavior, and allowed them to think.  Connor thought for awhile, and then came out to tell Aiden he was sorry.

Aiden was having none of it, and as I anticipated, Connor's heart broke again.  There is nothing that hurts more than sincerely offering an apology to find that it has been tossed without purpose.  Connor began to cry, sad, silent tears, went inside again, and then Aiden followed me inside as I went about some tasks. I looked at Aiden and asked him to consider saying sorry to Connor as well.  He did.

Connor was wise, however.  After he accepted Aiden's apology, Connor said, "Aiden will you forgive me?"  That is a crucial step we don't often take in the repentance process. Aiden said he would, and when I looked back at Connor, he came closer to me and stated, "I already said sorry to Heavenly Father and asked for forgiveness Mommy!"  

I am so grateful I am raising a generation of God-fearing children.  I pray they can always understand the process in which we become honorable and trustworthy stewards of the Lord's work and blessings. 

These boys brighten my days....their hugs, humor, and love for life is a driving force for me these days.

Smurfin' Life Away!

We are getting ready for the school year...things I had planned to do for a good year now are finally coming to fruition!  Everyone has a small white board with weekly chores and an associated jar with compensation beads. I can't believe how much the children are doing with some motivation and instruction!  

Of course, the kiddos placed their own chore on the chart, patterned after the "chore" I gave Maya to play!

The cubbies are set up...each little crate was 1/2 off at Walmart!  Woo-Hoo!  There's one for each child and then 2 for instruction material!

My kitchen is my dining room, kitchen, scrap booking station, school room station, and always a playroom!  

We went to see Smurfs 2 with Mimi yesterday for Connors 10th Birthday bash!!! It was so good. There was a constant theme of family and not being who you are but who you choose to be. From the step father in the mortal characters to the step father to Smurfette (Papa Smurf) and down to the wanna-be Smurfs, the theme of constantly giving love and accepting family was so strong. At one time Papa Smurf talks about how one starts to act out or lose the ability to love only when love is no longer flowing to them...oh, the wisdom of a Father!!!

This little girl laughed so hard and enjoyed the movie thoroughly!!!

Mimi wasn't fought over this time, to my surprise...but we all simply enjoyed her presence!

Lydia gladly shared popcorn with Mimi, Mini looked at me at one point and wondered if her Diet Coke was mistaken for my Dr. Pepper; I had to break the news that she was holding Lydia's medium Root Beer, and her Diet Coke was to her left!  It was cute!

Here's to the theme of my entire fall now--SMURFS!!!

Photo Addendum!

I  had to add these photos that Daddy took of the boys on their all boy Harry Potter Day!  They have been waiting for weeks for a free day with Daddy, and they were lucky enough to have him on a day that Domino's was doing half off on all of their pizza!!!!

I took the girls to the park, browsed the aisles of Wal-Mart, got soda-pop, and we came home to pizza and baths!  The boys stoped the 2nd of 3 movies they were gonna watch in order for me to experience the great marathon with them!  We did...and it was so fun!  A night of pizza, treats, cuddling (all 4 of us crammed like sardines on a couch), and for Daddy...sleep!  It was a lot of fun, until bedtime--then the fatigue tears began to flow!

I am so grateful for these boys...they have come to this earth with beautiful personalities that simply radiate when I let them be who they came here to be.  My Aiden "Obii" is what the modern world would claim as ADHD, but in my research and pleading with the Lord, I have been led to great books, the feelings of the Spirit, and deep insight that allow me to see:

that my son is so very special,

that my son came to Earth with an abundance of light,

that the light he has is expressed in movement,

the light is expressed in laughter,

the light is expressed in smiles, games, and giggles,

and it is my responsibility to teach him that it is okay to have all of that light and love!

It is my responsibility to allow him to shine...

and to teach him how to properly channel it!

My other little guy...same concept, different dominant character trait....

beautiful, godlike sensitivity!

I am loving mothering...

It is indeed the greatest gift I have been given, to teach my babies how great they are, just the way they are!

Homeschool...straight ahead!

I took my lovely girls out today...just the three of us. Of course, the boys (just the three) were planning a Harry Potter marathon with pizza, ice cream, and snacks so we were almost kicked out; yet, I gladly left to have some girl time!

My girls, in my biased opinion, are such beauties!  We walked through Walmart today, and in a very Hispanic dominating culture here, their porcelain skin with baby blue eyes simply radiate; it was evident by the smiles and sighs of wonder from elderly lips that they are just adorable to look upon!  

We got a small treasure for each girl, picked up a surprise for Daddy, and made our way to the registers where I gladly avoided wandering in the school supplies isle because I don't need to buy dozens of folders and Kleenex/Clorox wipes this year. Woo-Hoo!  We are officially starting what we have sought to initiate in time past, and my babes are staying home. It actually became clear that the bakers dozen of moves we've made...all over the country, from one house to the next, here a state, there a state, and every school in between...was causing severe distress for everyone. I know there will be opposing opinions, and I'm okay with that. WE, as an entire family, decided this, and we all feel at peace with the final plan submitted upon our hearts to The Lord. 

Until you have had to send your child to three different schools in three different states for first grade, and see the tears finally swell up in his eyes as his sturdy strength leaves him on the final move, you can never really say homeschool is wrong. 

Similarly, until you have spent an entire day away from your elementary children and then welcome them home only to spend 3 hours a night on homework...leaving very little time for play and relaxation, you can't fight against homeschool. 

I do not believe in any way that my children cannot survive in this world, I actually believe the contrary, that they will be driving forces in our community for the good. Quite frankly, I take my responsibility as a mother very seriously, and in taking it seriously, I realize that my children can live a childhood only once. School has changed since we were young ones; the demands on our children are clothed in statements of "grow up", "stop playing", and "don't wiggle jiggle or have fun"!  I KNOW there are amazing teachers out there who get it, we had a few last year, but I also know that when I feel passionately about a critical aspect of my family's growth and potential, I need to act. Luckily, there are amazing programs to assist in the exact ways I need assistance, we live in amazing times!

So, in a few short weeks the adventure begins!  We will have a short time with free curriculum and some planning by me...then once we've saved money I know the program I want, and it will be perfect for our family!